Even More Eye-Catching Phrases From Bowels of The Academy

Last year, we reported on the chatter surrounding upcoming MLA convention, especially one surrounding the talk "Is the Rectum a Text?".

Once again, InsideHigherEd- usually stodgy and completely humorless - has the poop:

Hook-ups at the Modern Language Association meeting are legendary — and, many say, frequently belong in the study of fiction. Whether this Craigslist posting is serious or parody, we don’t know (we haven’t heard back, although clearly the person posting wasn’t seeking a journalistic question about his intentions). But the posting, spotted by a source who asked not to be credited for the find, has prompted some hallway jokes at the meeting. If you want to read a pick-up proposal involving tweed, bondage, Alexander Pope and eBay, the link is worth following.

Here is the Craigslist posting:

I am looking for someone with an interest in 18th C British literature, preferably a recent Ph.D. or assistant professor. Here’s how the scenario goes:

I show up at your hotel room. I remove my tweed blazer and tie, fold them neatly, and place them next to your bed. You are already naked.

I carefully secure your wrists and ankles to the bed frame, using quarter-inch nylon rope. I place a copy of Alexander Pope’s “The Rape of the Lock” on the smooth, cool skin of your stomach. I begin to read as I work you with a vibrator.

The soaring rhythm produced by the aural melding of Pope’s heroic couplets with the low thrum of the Hitachi Magic Wand is drowned out as you orgasm loudly and repeatedly.

When you are spent, I very carefully shave off all your pubic hair. I place it in a Ziploc bag.

I wash and moisturize your vagina, untie the rope on your wrists and ankles, and put on my coat and tie.

I leave with your public hair in my pocket. I keep your muff with me for one full week. Each night, I open the bag and smell your hair.

After one full week, I return your public hair to you, by mail. You then put your muff up for sale on E-bay, along with this story.

We split any profits 50/50.

• Location: Chicago
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests