Mr. Butts Goes To Salem

Our Oregon hsa produced this hilarious video of Mr. Butts' visit to thestate legislature, lobbying against funding the Healthy Kids legislation through a cigarette tax hike .

Students Heckle Gonzo at Harvard Law

Associated Pravda (as John Aravosis at AmericaBlog calls the Associated Press) reports in the Huffington Post (image from Hispanic Magazine).

Gonzales Heckled at Harvard Reunion
AP | April 28, 2007 11:27 PM EST

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A small group of student protesters, including one wearing a black hood and an orange jumpsuit, heckled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales as he posed with old classmates Saturday during their 25-year Harvard Law School reunion.

"When the photographer was getting everybody set up and having people say 'cheese,' the protesters yelled: 'say torture, instead,' 'resign' and 'I don't recall,'" said Nate Ela, a protester and third-year student.

Law school spokesman Mike Armini said the impromptu protest was so small that some of those attending the photo shoot did not notice it.

Ela said the protesters followed Gonzales into the law school's library, chanting "shame" and "resign," before the attorney general's security detail took him to his motorcade.

Gonzales was at the university to deliver a lunchtime speech, a visit that was unannounced to students. But word spread quickly after his motorcade and security detail were spotted.

Gonzales is resisting pressure to resign as lawmakers question whether he could effectively run the Justice Department amid the controversy over the firings of eight prosecutors.

Cal Thomas, Prescient Sage of the Ages

Tom Tomorrow nails Cal Thomas in the Huffington Post:

There's one other quote that I just didn't have room for, which I'd like to include here. In his column of April 15, 2003, Cal Thomas wrote:

When the Berlin Wall fell and Eastern Europe escaped from the shackles of communism, I wrote that we must not forget the enablers, apologists and other "fellow travelers" who helped sustain communism's grip on a sizable portion of humanity for much of the 20th century. I suggested that a "cultural war crimes tribunal" be convened, at which people from academia, the media, government and the clergy who were wrong in their assessment of communism would be forced to confront their mistakes. While not wishing to deprive anyone of his or her right to be wrong, it wouldn't hurt for these people to be held accountable.

That advice was not taken - but today we are presented with another opportunity in the form of scores of false media prophets who predicted disaster should the U.S. military confront and seek to oust the murderous regime of Saddam Hussein. The purpose of a cultural war crimes tribunal would be to remind the public of journalism's many mistakes, as well as the errors of certain politicians and retired generals, and allow it to properly judge their words the next time they feel the urge to prophesy...

All of the printed and voiced prophecies should be saved in an archive. When these false prophets again appear, they can be reminded of the error of their previous ways and at least be offered an opportunity to recant and repent.

On that last paragraph, at least, Cal and I are in agreement.

An archive of Cal Thomas's columns can be found here at Townhall. The April 15, 2003 column is here. The charming picture came from Faux News.

An appropriate political appelation

I heard a caller on KPOJ refer to the ultra-religious supporters of der Führer as "burning Bushies". This phrase has had very little circulation ( a measly 6 hits in The Google) , but it has been around for at least a year.

A reference I particularly enjoyed reading was an essay by Gidon Remba, Why Jews Can't Be Conservative, at Chicago Peace Now. His essay concludes:

Jews can’t be conservative Republicans. Not if they take seriously the best values of their own moral tradition, reflect thoughtfully on the imperatives of justice and on their enlightened self-interest as Jews and Americans.

The entire essay is interesting but I would argue that this applies not only to Jews, but to any person, educated or not.

There is also a very funny blog written by Antonia Zerbisias at the Toronto Star. Her blog has a category called burning Bushies; it is well worth a detour, but it is a shame that it is not more current. Ms. Zerbisias is a sharp wit.

ANOTHER New Holiday

I don't know how I missed this. There are over 10,000 hits for "cake and cunnilingus day". This is getting very competitive with "Steak and blowjob day" (27,000+ hits). Let's just review the calendar:
February 14 - Valentine's Day
Roses and chocolates for your loved one.
March 14 - Steak and Blowjob Day
Steak and duh for your loved one.
April 14 - Cake and Cunnilingus Day
Cake and more duh for your loved one.

Sure beats the pants off of Ember Days or Rogation Days.

Alberto's Preparation

Mike Malloy had a very funny line about Alberto's testimony today. He said the only preparation that Gonzales got was PreparationH.

(Alberto's image is from SparklePony.)

The O in GOP Doesn't Stand for Original

I don't know what to do about the plagiarism business except to talk to my students and make sure that they are sensitive to the issue, and that they really understand the difference between working together and copying. Some get it, and some don't.

Blue Oregon had a post on this very subject. (Oregon House Republicans: Who's plagiarizing who? by Kari Chisholm)

I don't know what the consequences will be for the legislators, but I know that they will not enjoy being known as plagiarists.

A Blue Oregon reader left comments containing links to other similar "op-ed" pieces.

Here are my excerpts of the second paragraph from each of these "op-ed" contributors:

State Rep. Bruce Hanna (R-Lane/Douglas) in the Eugene Register-Guard: ("Bill would dedicate existing funds for Oregon State Police patrols")

Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. I have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate 1 percent of the general fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP's Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth, and does not raise taxes.

State Rep. Kevin Cameron (R-Salem) and State Rep. Vicki Berger (R-Salem) in the Salem Statesman-Journal: ("Job can be done without new taxes")

Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. We have co-sponsored House Bill 3535, which will permanently dedicate 1 percent of the general-fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for the Oregon State Police's patrol division. It ensures around-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth and does not raise taxes.

State Sen. Jeff Kruse (R-Roseburg) and State Reps. Susan Morgan (R- Myrtle Creek), Wayne Krieger (R-Gold Beach), and Bruce Hanna (R-Lane/Douglas) in the Roseburg News-Review ("A plan to provide state police protection without new taxes")

Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. We have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate one percent of the General Fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP's Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth, and does not raise taxes.

State Rep. Wayne Scott (R-Canby) in the Canby Herald ("24/7 state police protection . . . without new taxes")

Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. I have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate 1-percent of the General Fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP's Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth, and does not raise taxes.

State Rep. Patti Smith (R-Corbett) in the Gresham Outlook ("24/7 state police can become reality")

Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. I have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate 1 percent of general fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP’s Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth and does not raise taxes.

State Reps. Vicki Berger (R-Salem) and Kevin Cameron (R-Salem) on Vicki Berger's official web page ("A PLAN TO PROVIDE 24/7 STATE POLICE PROTECTION WITHOUT NEW TAXES")

Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. We have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 which will permanently dedicate one percent of the General Fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP’s Patrol Division. It ensures around the clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth and does not raise taxes.

All of these were traced back to one author, Mr. Kevin Curry, who used to be the communications director of then State House Speaker Karen Minnis.

Donna Nelson, whatever else you think of her, writes her own shinola.

No shit!

The Globe always exhibits only the highest standards of journalism.

Woman: Bowel caused alleged shoplifting

April 16, 2007

CAPE CORAL, Fla. --A woman arrested for shoplifting has blamed the crime on irritable bowel syndrome, authorities said. Helen Gallo, 61, of Clearwater, was arrested Sunday after allegedly shoplifting from a Cape Coral grocery store, The Daily Breeze of Cape Coral reported.

Gallo reportedly told authorities that she could not wait in line because she has irritable bowel syndrome, according to the newspaper.

Gallo was charged with petit larceny and released Sunday from the Lee County jail on $500 bond.

Gallo did not answer a telephone call placed to her home by The Associated Press. It was not known if she had an attorney.

Katrina vanden Heuvel Heads off Competition from Colbert

My subscription to The Nation had lapsed. It just kicked in again. I feel reborn.

Welcome to Baghdad

These videos are made by Iraqis. These could be my students. It just makes me weep.

There is much more here at their site.

More cheeky humor from the Brits

Those Pommie bastards do have a way about them. A conductor friend sent me this.

Backstage at "Flying Dutchman"

Here I am backstage with Joanna backstage at "Der Fliegende Holländer." The conductor was charming. It was some of the most enjoyable singing I've done - "Steuermann, lass die wacht" is one of the great operatic choruses - but the staging was physically demanding and it did not help that the staging director was less than charming.

But all in all, I was so moved by the music that the stage director could have made us stand on our heads (and, at times, it seemed to come to that) and I would have given it a go.

I thought the show was a great artistic success.

Brain Teasers for Dumb Fucks

We recently saw Mike Judge's Idiocracy.

Its premise is simple:

Smart couples have one or two offspring, and morons have 30.

Keep this up for 500 years, and the inevitable result is the gene pool will get pretty shallow.

I don't think this is very good genetics, but the film has more than a few good moments.

The most popular TV show in the future is "Ow, My Balls." I have never seen a reality TVshow (I prefer unreality), but this seems to be close to the mark.

Here is a puzzle page for the smart folks in the future.

Zbiggy hits the zbig time with John Stewart

Matthew Yglesias posted this clip of Zbigniew Brezinski and John Stewart. It will make you ache for the days of the Carter administration. Just imagine, we have sunk so lo as a country that Brezinski seems a pillar of rationality.

The question "What is this shit?" can now be answered with authority

There are those who, in fact, can't tell shit from shinola.

Now there are online resources for those seeking to answer the eternal question, "What is this shit?"

The Bristol Stool Form Scale

According to the the very nice folks - they don't seem very stuck up, at all - at the International Foundation for Functional Gastrointestinal Disorders (IFFGD):

Developed at the University of Bristol, U.K., the Bristol stool form scale is a recognized, general measure of stool consistency or form. Using this scale, you can help your physician sort out patterns or changes in bowel habit. Remember, this is intended as a general, not exact, measure. Use this guide to complete your diary and worksheet, and share the information with your physician.

The Standard Euro-turd

Dr. John Crippen, writing in his award-winning

Best Medical Weblog, Best Literary Medical Weblog, Best Health Policies/Ethics Medical Weblog

diary ("Dr John Crippen's weekly diary. The trials and tribulations, the pleasures and pitfalls of family medicine in the modern British National Health Service"), here recounts his "rite of passage" with an elderly patient.

I now digress to tell you about the statistical phenomenon of discontinuous variation. The height of the population is an example of continuous variation; there is a gradation of height throughout the population. Discontinuous variation is something that is either "on" or "off". For exampale, some people excrete asparagus in their urine. Some do not. You will know if you do.

The pastime of inspecting your stools after a bowel action is another example of discontinuous variation. Some people do. Some people do not.

Patricia does not. And even if she did, she would never talk about it.

Now, for the first time in her life, in order to win her pads, she not only has to examine her stools, but she has to classify them from 1 – 7 according to the Bristol Stool Form Scale:

Patricia is horrified.

Horrified or not, she is a meticulous sort and wants to get it right. She is baffled by the classification and is uncertain whether her stools are Type 2, 3 or 4. So she needs to consult an expert. She thus arrived with her Bristol Stool Form Scale chart and a Pyrex bowl with cling film across the top. Inside was a stool. I was able to tell her that it was unequivocally a Type 3 stool.

I know these things, because I am a doctor.

Later, I phoned the Turd-Commissar and told her that Patricia was elderly and upset. All she needed was nursing input and pads. Sorry, that is not on the protocol. Her stools must first be categorised and classified.

I think it must be Brussels. We have the Euro-sausage and the Euro-banana. Soon we will have the standard Euro-turd.

All quite hilarious in that typically British fashion.

If you are still confused, try the revised Bristol Stool Form Table

After the iBook, the iMac, the iPod, and the iPhone...

A friend in Portland sent me the link to this very funny Apple parody.

Words of Wisdom from the Brits

Kevin Drum's story of a week ago in Calpundit needs more attention. As he then wrote,

A fellow named Giles Coren wrote a book review for the Times of London recently that incorporated the phrase "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog," noting that it contained all 26 letters of the alphabet in a 35-letter sentence. An editor changed it to "a lazy dog" but failed to change "35 letters" to "33 letters."

Mr. Coren, of whom the BBC reports,

Journalist and author Giles Coren's novel Winkler has won the Bad Sex in Fiction Award for the most awkward description of an intimate encounter.

The food critic's book describes a sexual act between a man and a woman, in which "she scratched his back deeply with the nails of both hands".

The rest of the winning passage is unprintable for a family audience.

penned an email response, which was duly reprinted in The Guardian Online.

From: Coren, Giles
Sent: 10 August 2002 16:41
To: James, Anita
Cc: Wells, Dominic
Subject:

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. how fucking difficult is that? it's the sentence that bestrides the fucking book i reviewed for you. it is the sentence i wrote first in my fucking review. it is 35 fucking letters long, which is why i wrote that it was. and so some useless cunt sub-editor decides to change it to "jumps over A lazy dog" can you fucking count? can you see that that makes it a 33 letter sentence? so it looks as if i can't count, and the cunting author of the book, poor mr dunn, cannot count. the whole bastard book turns on the sentence being as i fucking wrote it. and that it is exactly 33 letters long. why do you meddle. what do you think you achieve with that kind of dumb-witted smart-arsery? why do you change things you do not understand without consulting. why do you believe you know best when you know fuck all. jack shit.

that is as bad as editing can be. fuck, i hope you're proud. it will be small relief for the author that nobody reads your poxy magazine.

never ever ask me to write something for you. and don't pay me. i'd rather take £400 quid for assassinating a crack whore's only child in a revenge killing for a busted drug deal - my integrity would be less compromised.

jesus fucking wept i don't know what else to say.

[I have often thought that last sentiment while grading.]

Kevin Drum added:

It reminds me of why I like the British press: they print things the way people say them. For example, back in February The Economist ran a story about Stephen Byers, the transport minister. Apparently one of his advisors had suggested burying some bad news by releasing it on the day of Princess Margaret's funeral, his chief information officer had responded with an email advising against it, and within days of the exchange becoming public it was announced that both had "resigned." But they hadn't, or at least the chief information officer hadn't, and he had detailed notes to prove it. Oops. Or, as one participant said, “We're all fucked. I'm fucked. You're fucked. The whole department is fucked. It's been the biggest cock-up ever and we are all completely fucked.”

After Scooter's verdict, the Democrat's inquiries into Walter Reed, the US attorney firings, and another week of triumph in Iraq, I imagine there are now many parts of the White House repeating this part:

“We're all fucked. I'm fucked. You're fucked. The whole department is fucked... we are all completely fucked.”

Stephen Byers was the British transport secretary who was ridiculed through the UK. Here is the lead-in to the BBC story of May 24, 2002.

It's official. Stephen Byers has become a joke.

On this week's episode of Radio 4's comedy I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, Graeme Garden announced the following late arrival to the Society Ball for MPs.

"Welcome please Mr and Mrs Bennett-is-Stephen-Byers-still-there? and their son Gordon."

For him to become the butt of a joke on the most unpolitical of comedy shows is something of an achievement. But as an opinion poll indicated this week, Stephen Byers is not a popular man.

His popularity rating has even slumped below Mrs Thatcher's at her lowest ebb.

In a poll, his popularity was measured as minus 49%, a figure calculated by subtracting the number of people who think he is doing a bad job from those who think he's doing a good job.

It's no mystery how he has gained such notoriety. Some of his low points include:

• The Jo Moore thing, when he backed his special advisor after she wrote an e-mail advising 11 September was a good day to bury bad news.

• Being ridiculed when he claimed to have secured an extra £2.2bn investment in the railways, only for the Treasury to deny it.

• Facing accusations of lying when he told Parliament his press chief Martin Sixsmith had resigned, when in fact he hadn't.

Oh. The 9-11 business. THAT Stephen Byers. Is there no home for him in the Bush administration? FEMA, perhaps?

ADDENDUM:See the Dictionary of English slang and colloquialisms of the UK (Letter c) for British usage of the "c-word".

cunt (!) *	Noun. 1. The female genitals. 2. Women from a sexual viewpoint. Offensive. 3. A despicable person. Derog. and coarse, and with its associated meanings is consequently particularly offensive. 4. A very familiar term of address. E.g."Hello you old cunt, how are you? You're looking well." 5. A difficult thing or task. E.g."I'm not offering to help him move house, he's got a piano and it'll be a cunt of a job to shift it." Exclam. An exclamation of anger, surprise, frustration, disappointment. * Undoubtedly the most offensive and taboo of all vulgarisms, and particularly so to women, however its use is becoming more frequent. Consequently it is gradually losing its offensiveness and perhaps will in due course become as accepted as 'fuck' in its use. The word goes back to Middle English, cunte, and before then it can only be speculated upon, however some believe its origins lie with the Latin, cuneus, meaning wedge.
cunted	Adj. Very intoxicated by drink or drugs.
cunt-face	Noun. A contemptible person. Also cuntface.
cunt-faced	Adj. Very intoxicated.
cunting	Adj. An intensifier. E.g."If this cunting weather doesn't improve within the next 24 hours we'll have to cancel the whole trip."
cuntox	Noun. A contemptible person.
cunt struck	Adj. Sexually besotted by a woman. Also cuntstruck.
cunty	Noun. A contemptible person.
cuntybaws *	Noun. 1. An objectionable person. [Scottish use] 2. Occasionally used as a term of address. [Scottish use] * From cuntyballs.

Exposing the False Science Idol of Evolutionism

Read The Non-Moving Earth & Anti-Evolution Web Page

As they say,

Take your time.

Check it all out.

Decide for yourself.

It is a hoot.

IGUDESMAN & JOO

Very funny. Gives one a new appreciation for John Cage's composition, 4'33".

another one for the collection

A rare US plunge!

The headline doesn't contain the magic word, but look carefully into the lede:

A funny Brit

Matthew Parris (The Guardian: "political journalist and former Tory MP"), co-author with Phil Mason of Read My Lips: A Treasury of Things Politicians Wish They Hadn't Said, wrote this very funny commentary in today's Times (UK).

From The Times
March 01, 2007
I dare you to read this and refute (not rebut) my case
Matthew Parris: My Week

Some television people came round recently to record interviews for a new Grumpy Old . . . series, so I had to work myself up into a passably grumpy state to discuss things like romance, class and politics. Fine — but the trouble was that, after the TV crew had gone, the grumpiness stayed. I started to see everything with a grumpy eye. I turned to the morning papers and — tut, tut — there was that word “refute”, misused yet again by a journalist.

Harrumph. Look, we must of course take care not to become boring old farts about the misuse of words...

Mr. Parris is a regular commentator for the Times. His most recent columns include:

• The urgent need for a new public lavatory policy
• No, we don’ t really want politicians to listen to us
• It’s unfair. My argument should be as loud as yours
  

MSNBC reports Israeli defense chief makes lens cap gaffe

From MSNBC.

Israeli Defense Minister Amir Peretz, right, gazes at a military drill through binoculars Wednesday, apparently without realizing the lens caps were left on. The army's chief of staff, Lt. Gen. Gabi Ashkenazi is at left.

The photographer said Peretz gazed through the capped binoculars three times, nodding as Ashkenazi explained what he was looking at, the British Broadcasting Corp. said.

We've seen this before.

George Takei made me spit out my green tea

You are forewarned. Don't try to drink anything while watching Sulu's new PSA (stumbled upon at the Portland Mercury's blog).

My science blog

I have created a blog for my freshman Inquiry Seminar, "Chemistry and the Atmosphere". I don't want to cross post, but here are a couple of good stories.

1. Silly Science Dana Rohrabacher says dinosaur farts caused global warming.
2. Wyden pushes EPA to elminate benzene. Portland has huge amounts of benzene in the air, perversely because our air is relatively clean, so the EPA argues that it didn't have to regulate benzene emissions as tightly as it does on the East Coast.

Backstage at Norma

I've been busy. This was the first week of the semester, and final rehearsals for "Norma", which opens tonight. I'm a Druid priest in the chorus. Lovely music.

the lastest trends in transit

Via Jack Bog, passengers in the Bulgarian capital now have something to stare at while they wait in the cold.

Condoms are fun!

A colleague sent me this.

Scientific equivalent of Dog Bites Man story

The Boston Fishwrap reports this dog-bites-man story:

Scientists can't get sloth to move
January 24, 2007

JENA, Germany --Scientists in the eastern German city of Jena said Wednesday they have finally given up after three years of failed attempts to entice a sloth into budging as part of an experiment in animal movement.

The sloth, named Mats, was remanded to a zoo after consistently refusing to climb up and then back down a pole, as part of an experiment conducted by scientists at the University of Jena's Institute of Systematic Zoology and Evolutionary Biology.

Neither pounds of cucumbers nor plates of homemade spaghetti were appetizing enough to make Mats move.

"Mats obviously wanted absolutely nothing to do with furthering science," said Axel Burchardt, a university spokesman.

Mats' new home is the zoo in the northwestern city of Duisburg where, according to all reports, he is very comfortable.

The Post Loves Pix Of Pillow Fighting Women In Scivvies

The DC Fish wrap printed this story about the Pillow Fighting League, whose slogan is Fight Like a Girl! The ladies have noms de combat such as Champain, Betty Clocker, Sarah Bellum, and Boozy Suzy. Wonkette picked up the story,

leading with
this photo. There is a video here.

PETA strips away pretense in SOTU analysis

PETA examines the State of the Union in this NSWF video. The strip tease alternates with "flashes" of the Republicans cheering wildly. The end of this video contains extremely disturbing clips of animal abuse. I will be strictly vegetarian for quite a while.

The Otter Defense

Julie Mason, blogging in the Houston fish wrap, writes this keen analysis of White House policy:

Where does the White House derive inspiration for the talking points and arguments that issue forth daily from the Jackson Place briefing room? First, we had the Tinkerbell defense. Here's Press Secretary Tony Snow, today, in the morning gaggle:

"The president has said directly to members of Congress on a number of occasions: 'Take whatever shots you want at me,' he says, 'in terms of politics. You can criticize me all you want, but make sure that you do not do things that are going to weaken the troops.' And he is very passionate and very adamant about that point. Members always say, 'yes, sir, we support the troops.' Therefore, it is going to be incumbent upon members of Congress who feel that that is a priority to figure out how best to express their support for troops."

Huh. That sounds awfully familiar. Where have we heard something like that before? Oh, yeah:

"The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did. But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!"

Don't stop him, he's on a roll.

Greg has the relevant video clip here.

Snow!

January Snowstorm

The Condiment Package Museum

A colleague sent me the link to this invaluable site

Be sure to read the faqs.

Calvin Trillin Writes about Signing Statements

Calvin Trillin writes this little ditty in the Nation (he once wrote that the editor, Victor Navasky, paid him in the high two figures):

deadline poet | posted January 11, 2007 (January 29, 2007 issue)
George W. Bush Explains His Signing Statements, Among Other Things

Calvin Trillin

They sent me a law against torture.
I signed it, although it was quaint.
I said, though, that I'm the decider
Of if something's torture or ain't.

I'll do what I want when I want to,
Though Congress's will may be foiled.
I've always done just what I want to.
You see, I'm a little bit spoiled.

What's New on the Grand Old Police Blotter

This is a twofer in our series, What's New on the Grand Old Police Blotter. Today's WaPo reports here that the former #2 at Interior is on their list of future guests of the government.

Ex-Interior Deputy a Target in Abramoff Probe

By Susan Schmidt
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, January 10, 2007; A03

Federal prosecutors have notified a former deputy secretary of the interior, J. Steven Griles, that he is a target in the public corruption investigation of Jack Abramoff's lobbying activities, sources knowledgeable about the probe said.

The sources, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said that among the possible criminal charges being investigated is whether Griles made false statements to the Senate Indian Affairs Committee in 2005 about job discussions Abramoff initiated while Griles was deputy secretary. Griles's attorneys did not return calls seeking comment yesterday.

Justice Department prosecutors met with Griles on Friday to outline possible charges. The investigation has examined donations made by Abramoff's Indian tribal clients to an environmental advocacy group run by Italia Federici, who was involved with Griles socially, the sources said. Also under scrutiny are donations made to Federici's group by energy and mining companies, the sources said...

I like this part:

With the prospect of Griles's indictment, a senior Justice Department official -- who Interior employees said has been dating Griles -- tendered her resignation this week.

Sue Ellen Wooldridge, assistant attorney general for environment and natural resources for the past year, submitted a letter of resignation Monday saying that she intends to return to the private sector, a Justice Department official said yesterday.

Wooldridge served as Interior Department solicitor and as deputy chief of staff to then-Interior Secretary Gale A. Norton before moving to Justice in November 2005. Cynthia Magnuson, a spokeswoman for the Justice Department, said that Wooldridge would not be available for comment about her departure. "Sue Ellen sent the resignation letter in of her own volition. This is a decision that she made," Magnuson said.

Would that be the same Gale Norton now shilling for Shell?

The same WaPo article also reports this morsel:

Yesterday, another former Interior Department employee was sentenced to two years' probation and fined $1,000 for failing to report gifts that he received from Abramoff. Roger G. Stillwell accepted hundreds of dollars worth of football and concert tickets from Abramoff, who at the time was lobbying for the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands. Stillwell worked in the Interior Department's Insular Affairs Office, which handles issues involving the island government.

Gordon Bennett! That plonker is a bit of a mucky pup

This story appeared in today's WaPo

Oxford Editors Are No Wazzocks, Putting Public to Work on Words
By Kevin Sullivan
Washington Post Foreign Service
Thursday, January 4, 2007; A13

LONDON, Jan. 3 -- According to the august Oxford English Dictionary, going bananas was simply not done before 1968, nobody went bonkers before 1957 and no one went to the loo before 1940.

But the publishers of the 600,000-word reference book, billed as "the definitive record of the English language," are willing to be proved wrong. So they are asking language-loving British television viewers to help them trace the murky etymological roots of 40 common English-language expressions, from "wolf whistle" to "regime change" to "sick puppy."

Oxford University Press, the publisher, is teaming up with "Balderdash & Piffle," a BBC television lexicology program, to run down the origins of such acutely British expressions as "wally" (a fool), "wazzock" (an idiot) and "whoopsie" (excrement). As far as the dictionary's 400-plus researchers have been able to make out, crazy people became "daft as a brush" in 1945 and "one sandwich short of a picnic" in 1993.

Here is The Wordhunt list from the BBC

1. dog and bone 1961 (Rhyming slang for the telephone)
2. the dog's bollocks 1989 (A cruder version of the bee’s knees)
3. mucky pup 1984 (A habitually untidy person)
4. shaggy dog story 1946 (Origin unknown or uncertain: a long and pointless yarn)
5. sick puppy 1984 (Affectionate name for a weirdo)
6. plonker 1966 (A foolish or inept person)
7. prat 1968 (Origin unknown or uncertain: an old word but a fairly recent insult)
8. tosser 1977 (An insult, but not an example of unparliamentary language?)
9. wally 1969 (A put down named after Walter?)
10. wazzock 1984 (An insult of Northern origin?)
11. domestic 1963 (A household argument requiring police intervention)
12. glamour model 1981 (A topless or nude model)
13. loo 1940 (Origin unknown or uncertain: the privy, lavatory or small room)
14. regime change 1990 (A euphemism for overthrowing a hostile foreign government)
15. whoopsie 1973 (A synonym for “number two” or “poo-poo”)
16. flip-flop 1970 (The rhythmic rubber sandal)
17. hoodie 1990 (A hooded sweatshirt and sometimes the person inside it)
18. shell-suit 1989 (A lightweight tracksuit)
19. stiletto 1959 (A shoe with a pointy heel)
    
20. trainer 1978 (The sports shoe)
21. dogging 1993 (Origin unknown or uncertain: the illicit nocturnal carpark activity)
22. kinky 1959 (Perverted or sexually adventurous, depending on your point of view)
23. marital aid 1976 (A euphemism for a sex toy)
24. pole dance 1992 (A form of entertainment often found in strip clubs)
25. wolf-whistle 1952 (A distinctive expression of approval)
26. bananas 1968 (Origin unknown or uncertain: as in "going bananas" - to go wild or crazy)
27. bonkers 1957 (Origin unknown or uncertain: a synonym for crackers, nuts or doolally)
28. daft (or mad) as a brush 1945 (Origin unknown or uncertain: a bit loopy)
29. duh brain 1997 (A playground taunt, synonymous with "thicko")
30. one sandwich short of a picnic 1993 (An inventive euphemism for mental incapacity)
31. Bloody Mary 1956 (Origin unknown or uncertain: the popular “morning after” cocktail)
32. Gordon Bennett! 1967 (Origin unknown or uncertain: a versatile exclamation, usually of surprise)
33. Jack the Lad 1981 (A chancer, normally a brash young man)
34. round robin 1988 (The festive family newsletter)
35. take the mickey 1948 (Origin unknown or uncertain: to make fun of a person or thing.)
    
36. bung 1958 (Origin unknown or uncertain: a bribe, not a bottle-stopper.)
    
37. Glasgow kiss 1987 (A colourful term for a head-butt)
38. identity theft 1991 (To fraudulently aquire and use personal information)
39. spiv 1934 (Origin unknown or uncertain: a wide boy, or dodgy character)
40. twoc 1990 (An acronym for taking without consent)

Byrd In Hand

This AP story appeared in today's WaPo. The tail end of the story has a great bit about Robert BVyrd's antics at today's swearing-in ceremony.

Sen. Robert Byrd of West Virginia was sworn in for the ninth time Thursday, and he did it in signature style.

The West Virginia Democrat, who turns 90 this year and is the longest-serving member of the current Senate, is known for his long speeches, his knowledge of Senate rules and his flamboyant personality.

He first spoke through the opening prayer, calling "Praise Jesus," and "yeah!"

After he was sworn in by Vice President Cheney, he pumped his fist and yelled, "So help me God!"

Just after that, Byrd appeared weak and started to collapse. He was caught by his West Virginia colleague, Democratic Sen. Jay Rockefeller, and other senators standing nearby.

Byrd didn't miss a step as he then walked back to his desk, giving a loud "Hallelujah!" to the crowd.

He later stood behind new Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., patting him on the back as Sanders took the oath of office.

Just imagine the thoughts that flooded through Darth Cheney when Byrd feigned his collapse. I am sure that "Oh, the poor man" was not one of them.

wow.

Olbermann on Bush's proposed "sacrifice".

Mathematical humor

A friend of many years (with whom I spent many an all-nighter studying for a linear algebra or real analysis exam) sent me these math images. The come from Wade Clark's Ocular Trauma, which is apparently on hiatus.

basic algebra...

square roots...

trig...

limits...

geometry...

Happy New Year

Here is a shot of Mt. Hood taken yesterday.

The Most Evil of 2006

Crooks and Liars filed this report based on this AP story:

DULLES, Va.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--A new poll from The Associated Press and AOL News has discovered that Americans are torn in terms of their perception of President George W. Bush and his performance in 2006. When asked to name the past year’s biggest villain, Bush was far and away the #1 choice, commanding 25% of the vote, distantly trailed by Osama Bin Laden (8%), Saddam Hussein (6%), President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran (5%), North Korean leader Kim Jong II (2%) and Donald Rumsfeld (2%). Satan only took in 1% of the vote, as did Hugo Chavez, Tom Cruise, Dick Cheney, Hillary Clinton, John Kerry and Rosie O’Donnell, among others.

On the flipside, Bush also claimed the top spot when Americans were asked to name the year’s biggest hero, but with only a trifling 13% of the vote. The troops in Iraq came in second (6%), followed by Jesus Christ (3%), Barack Obama (3%), Oprah Winfrey (3%), and rock star/philanthropist Bono (2%). Other “do-gooders” of 2006, receiving 1% each, included luminaries, business leaders and politicos such as Warren Buffett, George Clooney, Bill Gates, Al Gore, Billy Graham, Angelina Jolie, Colin Powell, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Condoleeza Rice...

More Eye-Catching Phrases From Bowels of The Academy

Inside Higher Education has this brief report on the 2006 convention of the Modern Language Association.

Dec. 28
Academic Fashions Aren’t Just Sartorial

...Just as MLA academics tend to dress alike (think black and brown clothing, she said), they share intellectual fashions, too. Indeed, she said that reading old issues of the PMLA gave her the same feeling as looking at old issues of Vogue: Times and fashions have changed.

Inspired, Ladenson determined to organize a panel for this year’s MLA on academic fashion — broadly defined. What’s in? What’s out? Are the right things in or out? Those attending heard worries about the dominance of the “new historicism” (which of course hasn’t been new for a while), fears for the future of French even in an era of supposed interest in other cultures, and ideas about why professors (or their publishers) call their books what they do. And attendees also got to hear a paper with the sort of title MLA-bashers love ("Is the Rectum a Text?) but whose substance shows that academic fashion may be less sex-obsessed than MLA-bashers like to think...

The most anticipated talk may have been by Paul Morrison, a professor of English at Brandeis University, who it turns out didn’t even come up with the title about the rectum (which was in part a play on a famous work of gay studies, Leo Bersani’s essay “Is the Rectum a Grave?"), but forged ahead anyway after Ladenson suggested it.

Provocative paper titles are of course something of an MLA tradition. They’d never admit it, but plenty of conservative critics of cutting-edge humanities scholarship live for the moment each fall that the issue of PMLA arrives with the names of the papers to be given at the meeting. What will be the most outrageous paper title? Will there be anything as good as the legendary “Jane Austen and the Masturbating Girl,” a talk from 1995 that still gets trotted out as an example of all that is wrong with literary theory?

Morrison’s paper talk was surprising because — although it contained more uses of the word “asshole” than is the norm at scholarly meetings or most other meetings, for that matter — he’s actually arguing that there’s more to life than sex and that focusing on body parts, even supposedly subversive body parts, isn’t necessarily the best thing to do.

A Google search of the text "Is the Rectum a Text?" yielded 6 significant hits.

This reply to the question "Anyone got a I-responded-to-a-difficult-question-with-a-joke story?" in the Chronicle of Higher Education blog caught my eye:

After spying the paper title "Is the Rectum a Text?" in the program for this year's MLA, I'm almost hoping to have an interview that's tanking so badly that I'll have nothing to lose by asking that when the SC gets to the "So, do you have any questions for us?" part of the interview.

Christmas Quizmas

Stephen Fry introduces the annual quiz in today's issue of The Telegraph.

We at QI take Christmas seriously. Not only is it the research elves’ favourite time of year, spent searching the attic for baubles of newly-discovered information to drape on the wobbly conifer of knowledge, but it’s also a festival entirely founded on ignorance...

A QI Christmas is full of surprises.

Was the General Synod of the Church of England being serious in 2004 when it suggested that one of the three Wise Men might have been a woman?

Will sleigh bells in the snow sound the same after the discovery that St Nicholas, the real Father Christmas, was Turkish and the patron saint of judges, thieves, pawnbrokers, bakers, sea travellers and murderers?

What were the scholars of Merton College, Oxford, doing providing a fully-grown bull for the college steward “to knock down with his own hands” each Christmas?

And isn’t it oddly comforting to know that Henry II gave land to a man called Roland “le Fartere” on condition that he perform at the royal Christmas banquet with “a leap, a whistle and a fart”?

Read the entire quiz here.