Friday, October 13, 2006

Newsweak sez Americans are stupider

Rising Hegemon spotted this anomaly on September 25.

The geeks at Wonkette have spotted another.

So why does Newsweak water down their news for native consumption?

We suspect that the domestic version has plenty of monosyllabic words, and all of those nasty compound sentences have been eliminated so that the final product resembles a Dick and Jane book. In other words, something that our our leader, Der Führer, can read.

Wonkette has much more to say:
The cover’s art direction is aimed at the crucial retard demographic, too: Giant Leering Foley Face with a little cut-out Bush figure running from Giant Leering Foley Face and two great big simple words, one of which starts with a freakin’ smiley instead of the actual letter. It gets worse. The international edition has the damning background to the North Korean nuke test: One year ago, Washington and Pyongyang made a deal and everybody was happy:

On Sept. 19, 2005, North Korea signed a widely heralded denuclearization agreement with the United States, China, Russia, Japan and South Korea. Pyongyang pledged to “abandon all nuclear weapons and existing nuclear programs.” In return, Washington agreed that the United States and North Korea would “respect each other’s sovereignty, exist peacefully together and take steps to normalize their relations.”

Four days later, the U.S. Treasury Department imposed sweeping financial sanctions against North Korea designed to cut off the country’s access to the international banking system, branding it a “criminal state” guilty of counterfeiting, money laundering and trafficking in weapons of mass destruction.

In other words, for some perverse reason we’ll never know, Washington signed the thing and then deliberately provoked Lil’ Kim so he’d break the deal and let the neo-con nuts have a new “regime change.”

That seems like
something a few people in America might like to know, right?

Wrong! It would only confuse and anger Americans, who have enough problems already!

That’s why the new U.S. edition is filled with important
little tiny short articles such as “Parties: How to Have Fun,” “Rock Music: Secrets of ‘Shredding’” and a very special 400-word article about how 77% of Americans spend most of their time praying to their dead relatives’ ghosts, which are everywhere these days.

No comments: