Wow.

From a friend who's a fellow teacher. He looks a little young to be a Dead Kennedys fan...

America's Finest News Source

The Onion delivers some insightful commentary on the Larry Craig episode. From a guest commentator who, just like Senator "Wide Stance", is most definitely "not gay":

Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

dispatches from japan

I thought this story deserved a wider audience. I would very much like to know exactly what constitutes a "violent" bout of diarrhea. It doesn't sound pretty.

Train cancelled after conductor succumbs to diarrhea

OSAKA -- About 300 passengers were forced to leave a train at JR Tsukaguchi Station in Amagasaki after the conductor suffered a violent bout of diarrhea in the driver's cabin early on Friday, West Japan Railway Co. (JR West) said.

The evacuation took place after the conductor fell ill just before the train pulled in at Tsukaguchi Station. The driver scheduled to take over the train entered the cabin at about 6.15 a.m. to find the floor covered in feces.

Station workers immediately cleaned the floor of the driver's room, but decided to cancel the train due to the lingering aroma.

Passengers were merely told that the train would be delayed, and were asked to board the next one. (Mainichi)

Captain Dan, the Demon Dwarf, re-membered

Agence France-Press, currently my favorite wire service, is now reporting this story from the Edinburgh fringe festival:

British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover
AFP
Published: Monday August 20, 2007

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.

"I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived."

The world's strangest laws

The Times reports these oddities. Important safety tip: no self-pleasuring (that's wanking to you sods) in Indonesia.

From Times Online
August 15, 2007
The world's strangest laws

Did you know it's illegal in France to name a pig Napoleon? Or that in Ohio you're not allowed to get a fish drunk? Alex Wade celebrates the spirit of the silly season with a list of the world's most ridiculous laws.

Did you know that in France it is forbidden to call your pig Napoleon?

(photo: Kham/Reuters)

Did you know that in France it is forbidden to call your pig Napoleon?
Alex Wade

25. It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses.

24. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

23. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down.

22. In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.

21. Under the UK’s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don’t want him to know, though you don’t have to tell him anything you don’t mind him knowing.

20. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.

19. In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk.

18. Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London.

17. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.

16. In Lancashire, no person is permitted after being asked to stop by a constable on the seashore to incite a dog to bark.

15. In Miami, Florida, it is illegal to skateboard in a police station.

14. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.

13. In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day.

12. In London, Freemen are allowed to take a flock of sheep across London Bridge without being charged a toll; they are also allowed to drive geese down Cheapside.

11. In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.

10. In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle.

9. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.

8. In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.

7. In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before sunrise and from staying after sunset.

6. In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

5. In Boulder, Colorado, it is illegal to kill a bird within the city limits and also to “own” a pet – the town’s citizens, legally speaking, are merely “pet minders”.

4. In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

3. In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.

2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination; he may only see their reflection in a mirror.

1. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast is legally the property of the King; the tail, on the other hand, belongs to the Queen - in case she needs the bones for her corset.

With thanks to: Donald Stewart at Faegre & Benson; John Barnett at Burges Salmon; Robert Crossley at Walker Morris; James Odds at Matthew Arnold & Baldwin; and Dan Kieran, author of I Fought The Law (Bantam Press).

US fatalities in Iraq are surging

I took the most recent casualty data (US deaths in Iraq per month, through end of July '07) and calculated a 12 month moving average. The surge is working - but only to increase US fatalities. These data come from icasualties.org/oif

What if...?

What if FDR had been like GWB? See here.

Matt Groening: " Fox viewer might confuse our cartoon with actual news"

Jon Stewart interviews Matt Groening. From the Carpetbagger.

Good Question

According to David Frost, quoted in the New York fishwrap:

Richard Milhous Nixon, the socially awkward 37th president, tried being jocular with David Frost as they prepared for their famous 1977 TV interviews, which inspired the smash Broadway show. "Mr. Nixon turned to me and quite casually asked, 'Well, did you do any fornicating this weekend?' For a moment I could not believe the evidence of my own ears. Richard Nixon didn't say that, did he? He couldn't have," Frost writes in "Frost/Nixon - Behind the Scenes of the Nixon Interviews," out this October. "I had indeed heard right . . . I suppose Nixon liked to fancy himself one of the boys."

Image from Wikipedia.

FISA Judge Nixes Plame Suit

The WaPo reports

Judge Dismisses Plame Lawsuit

By Carol Leonnig
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, July 19, 2007; 3:30 PM

A federal judge today dismissed a lawsuit filed by former CIA officer Valerie Plame and her husband against Vice President Cheney and top administration officials over the disclosure of Plame's name and covert status to the media.

U.S. District Judge John D. Bates said that Cheney and White House aides cannot be held liable for the disclosure of information about Plame in the summer of 2003 while they were trying to rebut criticism of the administration's war efforts levied by her husband, former ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV. The judge said such efforts were certainly part of the officials' scope of normal duties.

"The alleged tortious conduct, namely the disclosure of Mrs. Wilson's status as a covert operative, was incidental to the kind of conduct that defendants were employed to perform," Bates wrote in an opinion released this afternoon...

So who is U.S. District Judge John D. Bates?

... Judge Bates was on detail as Deputy Independent Counsel for the Whitewater investigation from 1995 to mid-1997...

... In February 2006, he was appointed by Chief Justice Roberts to serve as a judge of the United States Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court.

Go figure.

Let Us Not Forget David Almond

Mother Jones reports

In the Midst Of Vitter Scandal, Let Us Not Forget David Almond

Republican David Almond, vice chairman of the House Committee on Children, Youth and Families for the North Carolina state legislature, resigned last week after the state's GOP caucus said it was investigating allegations against him of "serious, improper behavior."

According to DownWithTyranny!, Almond exposed his penis to a female staff member, chased her around the room, and commanded her to "suck it, baby, suck it." The employee filed a personnel complaint against Almond. State Republican leaders asked Almond to resign if there was any truth to the allegation, but, they said, "He did it [resigned] himself." I'm not sure what that means, but that is what they said.

One of the pieces of legistlation introduced by Almond was a bill to monitor sex offenders, which was recently signed into law by the governor, and which could come back to bite Almond on the--well, wherever he is most likely to be bitten. In the meantime, he says that intends to defend himself against the charges.

Iraq hasn't even begun

Timothy Garton Ash, a frequent contributor to The Guardian, writes in the Los Angeles fishwrap:

Iraq hasn't even begun
Consequences from the disaster we could have avoided will plague the world long into the future.
By Timothy Garton Ash
TIMOTHY GARTON ASH, a contributing editor to Opinion, is professor of European studies at Oxford University and a senior fellow at the Hoover Institution at Stanford University.

July 19, 2007

IRAQ IS OVER. Iraq has not yet begun. These are two conclusions from the American debate about Iraq...

So Iraq is over. But Iraq has not yet begun. Not yet begun in terms of the consequences for Iraq itself, the Middle East, the United States' own foreign policy and its reputation in the world. The most probable consequence of rapid U.S. withdrawal from Iraq in its present condition is a further bloodbath, with even larger refugee flows and the effective dismemberment of the country. Already, about 2 million Iraqis have fled across the borders, and more than 2 million are internally displaced...

In history, the most important consequences are often the unintended ones. We do not yet know the longer-term unintended consequences of Iraq. Maybe there is a silver lining hidden somewhere in this cloud. But as far as the human eye can see, the likely consequences of Iraq range from the bad to the catastrophic.

Looking back over a quarter of a century of chronicling current affairs, I cannot recall a more comprehensive and avoidable man-made disaster.

Read the whole thing here.

Virginia unveils $1000 speeding ticket

Jesus Christ. The Commonwealth is now charging $1025 just for going 20 miles per hour over the speed limit. 20 miles? Is that it?

Hell, compare that to my all-time high award in Oregon. Driving 88 in a 55 (good thing that's all he clocked me at, because I'd been going more like 105 a bit earlier), passing in a no-passing zone, defective brake lights, and driving without proof of insurance. Grand total: $445.

Oh, in case this worried my immediate family, this was years ago, and no, I haven't done anything that stupid since.

The Internet Weekly Rocks!

I don't know how I missed this.



It does seem that the only way we will rid ourselves of these neocons and their co-religionists is to hunt down each one of these monsters and put a stake a stake through its heart.

Of course, that won't be possible for Darth Cheney



I'll be checking in regularly, or else I might miss something like this.

PA Government Shutdown

As we reported Monday,

Pa. Awakes to Partial State Shutdown
MARC LEVY and MARK SCOLFORO
The Associated Press

HARRISBURG, Pa. - The state museums didn't open Monday. State parks were closed to visitors at the height of the summer tourism season, and many state services were idle because of a government shutdown that kept about 24,000 workers off the job.

Gov. Ed Rendell shut down the Pennsylvania government late Sunday over a budget stalemate with the Legislature that partly hinges on his energy plan for the state.

The shutdown of Pennsylvania state services by Gov. Rendell reminds me of the old joke:

Q: What is orange and sleeps seven?

A: A PennDOT truck.

Hindu prayer in the Senate draws protesters

OMG.

CNN reports.

Hindu prayer in the Senate draws protesters

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Three protesters disrupted a prayer by a Hindu chaplain Thursday at the opening of a Senate hearing, calling it an abomination and shouting slogans about Jesus Christ.

It was the first time the daily prayer that opens Senate proceedings was said by a Hindu chaplain.

Capitol police said two women and one man were arrested and charged with causing a disruption in the public gallery of the Senate. The three started shouting when guest Chaplain Rajan Zed, a Hindu from Nevada, began his prayer.

They shouted "No Lord but Jesus Christ" and "There's only one true God," and used the term "abomination."

Religious figures from various faiths have said the prayer, which is normally recited by a Christian chaplain.

Barry Lynn, executive director of religious watchdog group Americans United for Separation of Church and State, said the protest showed the intolerance of the "religious right."

"I don't think the Senate should open with prayers, but if it's going to happen, the invocations ought to reflect the diversity of the American people," Lynn said in a statement.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid had invited Zed.

"I think it speaks well of our country that someone representing the faith of about a billion people comes here and can speak in communication with our heavenly father regarding peace," he said after the disruption.

Watch the video here.

GOP Blows Another One

AP reports. ABC has the mug shot and the "juicy lead."

McCain Official Busted on Sex Charge

July 12, 2007 11:33 AM
Justin Rood Reports:

An official with the John McCain presidential campaign was arrested for allegedly soliciting oral sex from a policeman in Florida yesterday.

Bob Allen, a member of the Florida House of Representatives, is one of six Florida co-chairs for the Arizona Republican senator's 2008 White House bid.

According to news accounts, local police in Titusville, Fla., arrested Allen Wednesday afternoon after he allegedly offered to exchange $20 for oral sex with the plainclothes officer.

Allen was charged with solicitation to commit prostitution, a misdemeanor.

I guess that is not a regular part of the Straight Talk Express.

Oh, wait.

The McCain web site is reporting:

There are currently no Straight Talk Express Events scheduled...

Does that mean that "blow job" Bob will still be on the job?

Washington Post Editor believes Plural of Sheep is Sheeps

From today's Washington Post









And this is also from today's Washington Post. Who is sheepish now?

fun in state government

Our Pennsylvania bureau chief found a silver lining in the partial shutdown of PA state government:

On the up side, PennDOT has pretty much ceased to exist. There are 400 emergency highway workers on call for all of PA's 40,000 miles of highway. That's one worker per 100 miles. It's gonna be smooth sailing.

Oh damn, it looks like the fun is already over.

We have a wiener! First GOP MoC in DC Madame's phonebook!

And the wiener is...

Senator David Vitter (R - of course - LA)

My Favorite Senator David Vitter quote is, with a big thanks to Your Right Hand Thief ("laughing off hard truths in New Orleans")

I'm proud to join [Matt Daniels] and the entire Alliance for Marriage in support of the Marriage Protection Amendment... Your group recognizes... that marriage is the most important social institution in human history and is the most significant factor in terms of minimizing all sorts of social ills.

The Washington Post reports:

Sen. David Vitter (R-La.) apologized last night after his telephone number appeared in the phone records of the woman dubbed the "D.C. Madam," making him the first member of Congress to become ensnared in the high-profile case.

The statement containing Vitter's apology said his telephone number was included on phone records of Pamela Martin and Associates dating from before he ran for the Senate in 2004...

"This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible," Vitter, 46, said in a statement, which his spokesman, Joel DiGrado, confirmed to the Associated Press.

"Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling," Vitter continued. "Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there -- with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way..."

Vitter is in his first Senate term after serving six years in the House. During his Senate campaign, Vitter was accused by a member of the Louisiana Republican State Central Committee of carrying on a lengthy affair with a prostitute in New Orleans's French Quarter.