Friday, July 13, 2007

The Internet Weekly Rocks!

I don't know how I missed this.



It does seem that the only way we will rid ourselves of these neocons and their co-religionists is to hunt down each one of these monsters and put a stake a stake through its heart.

Of course, that won't be possible for Darth Cheney



I'll be checking in regularly, or else I might miss something like this.

PA Government Shutdown

As we reported Monday,

Pa. Awakes to Partial State Shutdown
MARC LEVY and MARK SCOLFORO
The Associated Press

HARRISBURG, Pa. - The state museums didn't open Monday. State parks were closed to visitors at the height of the summer tourism season, and many state services were idle because of a government shutdown that kept about 24,000 workers off the job.

Gov. Ed Rendell shut down the Pennsylvania government late Sunday over a budget stalemate with the Legislature that partly hinges on his e
nergy plan for the state.
The shutdown of Pennsylvania state services by Gov. Rendell reminds me of the old joke:
Q: What is orange and sleeps seven?

A: A PennDOT truck.

Hindu prayer in the Senate draws protesters

OMG.

CNN reports.
Hindu prayer in the Senate draws protesters

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Three protesters disrupted a prayer by a Hindu chaplain Thursday at the opening of a Senate hearing, calling it an abomination and shouting slogans about Jesus Christ.

It was the first time the daily prayer that opens Senate proceedings was said by a Hindu chaplain.

Capitol police said two women and one man were arrested and charged with causing a disruption in the public gallery of the Senate. The three started shouting when guest Chaplain Rajan Zed, a Hindu from Nevada, began his prayer.

They shouted "No Lord but Jesus Christ" and "There's only one true God," and used the term "abomination."

Religious figures from various faiths have said the prayer, which is normally recited by a Christian chaplain.

Barry Lynn, executive director of religious watchdog group Americans United for Separation of Church and State, said the protest showed the intolerance of the "religious right."

"I don't think the Senate should open with prayers, but if it's going to happen, the invocations ought to reflect the diversity of the American people," Lynn said in a statement.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid had invited Zed.

"I think it speaks well of our country that someone representing the faith of about a billion people comes here and can speak in communication with our heavenly father regarding peace," he said after the disruption.

Watch the video here.

GOP Blows Another One

AP reports. ABC has the mug shot and the "juicy lead."
McCain Official Busted on Sex Charge

July 12, 2007 11:33 AM
Justin Rood Reports:

An official with the John McCain presidential campaign was arrested for allegedly soliciting oral sex from a policeman in Florida yesterday.

Bob Allen, a member of the Florida House of Representatives, is one of six Florida co-chairs for the Arizona Republican senator's 2008 White House bid.

According to news accounts, local police in Titusville, Fla., arrested Allen Wednesday afternoon after he allegedly offered to exchange $20 for oral sex with the plainclothes officer.

Allen was charged with solicitation to commit prostitution, a misdemeanor.

I guess that is not a regular part of the Straight Talk Express.

Oh, wait.

The McCain web site is reporting:

There are currently no Straight Talk Express Events scheduled...

Does that mean that "blow job" Bob will still be on the job?

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

fun in state government

Our Pennsylvania bureau chief found a silver lining in the partial shutdown of PA state government:
On the up side, PennDOT has pretty much ceased to exist. There are 400 emergency highway workers on call for all of PA's 40,000 miles of highway. That's one worker per 100 miles. It's gonna be smooth sailing.
Oh damn, it looks like the fun is already over.

Monday, July 09, 2007

We have a wiener! First GOP MoC in DC Madame's phonebook!

And the wiener is...

Senator David Vitter (R - of course - LA)

My Favorite Senator David Vitter quote is, with a big thanks to Your Right Hand Thief ("laughing off hard truths in New Orleans")
I'm proud to join [Matt Daniels] and the entire Alliance for Marriage in support of the Marriage Protection Amendment... Your group recognizes... that marriage is the most important social institution in human history and is the most significant factor in terms of minimizing all sorts of social ills.
The Washington Post reports:
Sen. David Vitter (R-La.) apologized last night after his telephone number appeared in the phone records of the woman dubbed the "D.C. Madam," making him the first member of Congress to become ensnared in the high-profile case.

The statement containing Vitter's apology said his telephone number was included on phone records of Pamela Martin and Associates dating from before he ran for the Senate in 2004...

"This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible," Vitter, 46, said in a statement, which his spokesman, Joel DiGrado, confirmed to the Associated Press.

"Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling," Vitter continued. "Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there -- with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way..."

Vitter is in his first Senate term after serving six years in the House. During his Senate campaign, Vitter was accused by a member of the Louisiana Republican State Central Committee of carrying on a lengthy affair with a prostitute in New Orleans's French Quarter.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Opera has another loss

Anthony Tommasini, writing in today's Times, reports the death of Régine Crespin, following the death of Beverly Sills earlier this week.
Régine Crespin, the French operatic soprano and later mezzo-soprano, one of the most important vocal artists to emerge from France in the decades after World War II, died Wednesday in Paris, where she lived. She was 80.
I grew up hearing her on the Met broadcasts. I remember her "Tosca", and her Marschallin ( the image at left is Régine Crespin (the Marschallin) and Elisabeth Söderström (Octavian)) with Solti at the helm. The last side of the set of records was pure magic.

Tommasini concludes her obit with this:

In later life Ms. Crespin won wide recognition as a voice teacher. During some 1995 master classes at the Mannes College of Music in New York, the students were enraptured not only by her insightful critiques, but by her insider tales about opera stars.

Recalling her performances at the Met with the powerhouse tenor Franco Corelli in “Tosca” and Massenet’s “Werther,” she said he was convinced that eating raw garlic before a performance was good for the voice. But when they sang duets, Corelli would regularly burp. She learned to adjust, Ms. Crespin said.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Rachel Ray Moaning and Groaning

Salon's Video Dog explains:
Naomi Leibowitz explains on her Web site that this video is "comprised of clips from over 30 episodes of Rachel Ray's show '$40 a day' on Food Network." Caution: Keep the volume down, if you don't want your neighbor to get the wrong idea.
Go see the video here.

Why I hate NPR: Reason #25

Reason #25:, Besides having incredibly bad pronunciation, oafish inarticulation, and tons of dead air time in her speech, Debbie Elliot is a moron.

It is pretty clear that NPR hosts don't have to know pronunciation. Foreign words such as "Kiribati" or "Pago Pago" are sure to throw them for a loop. Apparently NPR hosts don't have to know grammar, either.

I heard Debbie Elliot interviewing Peter Overby - wow, there are a couple a dim bulbs - (Obama Leads in Election Fundraising). At the 1:08 mark, Elliot clearly chokes on the use of the comparative "than".

Elliot: ... Now you're saying he's [Obama] raised a few million more than her [sic, referring to Ms. Clinton].

That is what a cum laude graduate of the University of Alabama College of Communication* has to offer. It is no surprise that the complications of history completely overwhelm her. And Elliot isn't nearly as horrible as the Morning Edition crew.

* A communcations degree always reminds me of The Simpsons' episode with this immmortal line:

"Dr. Hibbert: I'm afraid your playing days are over my friend, but don't worry, you can fall back on your degree in--Communications? Oh dear Lord!

Come together! (NSFW)

The EU has a YouTube video that has even The Guardian tittering.

World Naked Gardening Day






I missed it again! Shucks, I'll have to wait for next year's World Naked Gardening Day. Now, I'll have to wait until next May 8.









Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Why we love Keith Olbermann

From what I suppose was the Monday evening (already Wednesday morning here in J-land) broadcast, naming W. the Worst Person in the World (and quoting Cromwell):
"You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, GO!"

Friday, June 29, 2007

Motivate yourself!

A colleague sent me this link. I have already pissed away time playing with it. Here is one result.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Fishwrap lead of the day

The Globe is so classy.
Naked couple die from S.C. rooftop fall
June 20, 2007

COLUMBIA, S.C. --Police on Wednesday were investigating how a naked couple fell 50 feet from the roof of a downtown office building to their deaths.

The bodies were found on the road by a passing cabdriver around 5 a.m. Wednesday.

Clothing was discovered on the roof, leading authorities to suspect the man and woman, in their early 20s, may have been having sex. Their identities were not released.

"It's too early to rule out anything," Columbia police Sgt. Florence McCants said, but McCants said a preliminary investigation didn't show any sign of foul play.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The GOP cares about families

The WaPo reports on Rob Portman's resignation as White House budget director.

Heh. Heh.
In an interview on CNN after Bush's announcement, Portman denied that he was leaving now to distance himself from an unpopular White House in preparation to run for governor of Ohio, where more than 60 percent of residents disapprove of Bush's job performance, according to a recent poll. Portman called that interpretation "false," adding, "The reason I'm going home is to spend time with my family.
Right.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Jon Stewart to Tony Snow: Liar, liar, pants on fire

No Contest: The Daily Show vs. Tony Snow.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Lurita Doan can't conjugate verbs

I love good grammar.

But The Economist has it right. The subjunctive is a mood, not a tense.

Can't recall - help for Republicans!

Here is a drug that we could use more of.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Interior Secretary Leavitt confuses dead senator and Dead Kennedys

The Sleuth reports in today's DC Fishwrap that Secretary of the Interior Mike Leavitt tried to make an appointment Thursday with Senator Craig Thomas (R-WY), who passed away Monday.
Posted at 7:01 PM ET, 06/ 7/2007
Cabinet Member Misses Senator's Obit

Maybe Health and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt and his staff are just in denial. Or maybe they don't read the papers, thus missing the sad news that Sen. Craig Thomas (R-Wyo.) died Monday, seven months after he was diagnosed with leukemia.

Whatever the case, Leavitt's office called Thomas's office late Thursday afternoon to request a meeting with the late senator.

Needless to say, grief-stricken Thomas staffers were stunned. One aide to Thomas sent the following e-mail to a friend (both names have been redacted):


From: (Thomas staffer) <@thomas.senate.gov>
To: (Staffer's friend)
Sent: Thu Jun 07 16:49:36 2007
Subject: RE:

Oh yeah, note to Secretary Levitt's [sic] office: Senator Thomas passed on Monday, 4 June. You may want to pass that along to his staff especially after they called today to get a meeting with the late Senator.

Call me if you'd like, really unbelievable!
It just seems so characteristic of this administration that a cabinet member could turn what is legitimately a tragedy for the family and friends of the senator into a black comedy.

Is it possible for a male to not think about it?

This reminds me of an interview that I heard with Francis Crick shortly before his death in 2004. His interviewer asked him what the secret of his remarkable research productivity was. Crick replied that, wehn he was in graduate school, he thought about sex 90% of the time, but he found that his peers thought about sex 99% of the time, so he got ten times as much work done!


What Guys Really Think - The funniest videos clips are here

Friday, June 01, 2007

Wear the fox hat

Auchtermuchtie?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

White and Nerdy

A colleague sent me this very funny video. The Schrödinger equation appears in the last minute or so. If you look carefully, you can see that they equation is incorrect - it uses Planck's constant h instead of h bar; that is h / 2 pi.

That reminds me of a story my thesis advisor - a Cal Tech alum - told me about his physics prof, the extraordinary Nobel laureate Richard Feynman, whom I had the pleasure to meet and hear speak several times.

Everyone knows what it is like to have a nitpicker in class.
  • "Shouldn't that be log base 10?"
  • "Is there an apostrophe in D'Alembertian?"
  • "I think that should be a minus sign."
Well, Feynmann's intro physics class DID have a nitpicker, one who was prolific and vociferous. His corrections - delivered with the precision of a surgeon's scalpel and the tact of an IRS agent - clearly took their toll on the patience of both the instructor and the students, turning the class into a daily Inquisition.

And inevitably, one day late in the term, the bough broke. After spending some time discussing a calculated cross-section, Monsieur Ergoteur interrupted with "Didn't you miss a factor of 2 pi?", at which point Poor Richard lept onto his desk and yelled "Fuck the 2 pi!"

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

More Falwell

In honor of the guy who died in Lynchburg yesterday, I thought it would be fun to revisit Hustler Magazine v. Falwell, 485 U.S. 46 (1988). Specifically, what prompted the Jerry Falwell's lawsuit in the first place? This ad, from a 1983 issue of Hustler:



If you can't make out the text, it reads:
Falwell: My first time was in an outhouse outside Lynchburg, Virginia.

Interviewer: Wasn’t it a little cramped?

Falwell: Not after I kicked the goat out.

Interviewer: I see. You must tell me all about it.

Falwell: I never really expected to make it with Mom, but then after she showed all the other guys in town such a good time, I figured, "What the hell!"

Interviewer: But your Mom? Isn’t that a little odd?

Falwell: I don’t think so. Looks don’t mean that much to me in a woman.

Interviewer: Go on please go on before i have u!.

Falwell: Well, we were drunk off our God-fearing asses on Campari, ginger ale and soda—that’s called a Fire and Brimstone—at the time. And Mom looked better than a Baptist whore with a $100 donation

Interviewer: Campari in the crapper with Mom. how interesting.. .Well how was it?

Falwell: The Campari was great but mom passed out before I could come.

Interviewer: Did you ever try it again?

Falwell: Sure. Lots of times. But not in the outhouse. Between Mom and the shit, the flies were too much to bear.

Interviewer: We meant the Campari.

Falwell: Oh, yeah, I always get sloshed before I go to the pulpit. You don’t think I could lay down all that bullshit sober do you?

(the last line in very small print at the end - Greg)

Interviewer: Just to let you know this whole interview is a lie, I just wanted to see what I could get out of you!
Wikipedia has an informative article on the entire case, including the arguements made before the Supreme Court in 1987.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Falwell

There have been a range of reactions to the demise of the vicious vicar from Lynchburg, VA. I personally would have paid a great deal of money to see Larry Flynt's face when he heard the news.

Needless to say, some reactions have been more amusing than others. Wonkette has this, from the "Dept. of Kids These Days Show No Respect."

My own research turned up a number of humorous Wikipedia vandalisms.

  • First, the man who blanked the page and replaced it with the words FUCK JESUS.

  • In our next entry, those who scroll down to the "Health" section will note that in addition to being found unconscious in his office on the 15th, many people thought Falwell had been "unconscious for many years".

  • The jokers in this next one erroneously reported the cause of death to be a "severe bowel obstruction."

  • Our fourth entry argues that "HE WAS A BIG TOOL, OH YES HE WAS DON'T DENY IT."

  • Rounding out the top five is a slightly more subtle vandal. Line 15 of this entry refers to Falwell as a "televangalism freak." Line 36 contains the latter portion of this sentence:
    Thomas Road Baptist Church has grown to a membership in excess of 24,000, based in a 6,000 seat auditorium and an additional 1 million square feet of educational space for people with way too much time on thier hands (emphasis added).
    There are more, but I don't really have the time.

    On a final note, just to prove that Jerry Falwell really was an asshole who deserved every bit of this ill will, here's AmericaBlog with some statements Falwell made just last week. Asshole.
  • Monday, May 07, 2007

    "Bubbles 'n' Babes"

    As readers may be aware, Australia is currently suffering a severe drought. Residential water use has been limited to a drastic extent, and even agricultural irrigation may be cut off if things don't improve. With private citizens unable to wash their cars at home, car washes - nearly all of which use recycled water - are doing booming business.

    Especially this car wash in Brisbane. Funny thing is, Sam and I know a girl from Brisbane, and for some reason she's never mentioned this establishment.

    Wednesday, May 02, 2007

    Mr. Butts Goes To Salem


    Our Oregon hsa produced this hilarious video of Mr. Butts' visit to thestate legislature, lobbying against funding the Healthy Kids legislation through a cigarette tax hike .

    Sunday, April 29, 2007

    Students Heckle Gonzo at Harvard Law

    Associated Pravda (as John Aravosis at AmericaBlog calls the Associated Press) reports in the Huffington Post (image from Hispanic Magazine).
    Gonzales Heckled at Harvard Reunion
    AP | April 28, 2007 11:27 PM EST

    CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A small group of student protesters, including one wearing a black hood and an orange jumpsuit, heckled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales as he posed with old classmates Saturday during their 25-year Harvard Law School reunion.

    "When the photographer was getting everybody set up and having people say 'cheese,' the protesters yelled: 'say torture, instead,' 'resign' and 'I don't recall,'" said Nate Ela, a protester and third-year student.

    Law school spokesman Mike Armini said the impromptu protest was so small that some of those attending the photo shoot did not notice it.

    Ela said the protesters followed Gonzales into the law school's library, chanting "shame" and "resign," before the attorney general's security detail took him to his motorcade.

    Gonzales was at the university to deliver a lunchtime speech, a visit that was unannounced to students. But word spread quickly after his motorcade and security detail were spotted.

    Gonzales is resisting pressure to resign as lawmakers question whether he could effectively run the Justice Department amid the controversy over the firings of eight prosecutors.

    Thursday, April 26, 2007

    Cal Thomas, Prescient Sage of the Ages

    Tom Tomorrow nails Cal Thomas in the Huffington Post:

    There's one other quote that I just didn't have room for, which I'd like to include here. In his column of April 15, 2003, Cal Thomas wrote:

    When the Berlin Wall fell and Eastern Europe escaped from the shackles of communism, I wrote that we must not forget the enablers, apologists and other "fellow travelers" who helped sustain communism's grip on a sizable portion of humanity for much of the 20th century. I suggested that a "cultural war crimes tribunal" be convened, at which people from academia, the media, government and the clergy who were wrong in their assessment of communism would be forced to confront their mistakes. While not wishing to deprive anyone of his or her right to be wrong, it wouldn't hurt for these people to be held accountable.

    That advice was not taken - but today we are presented with another opportunity in the form of scores of false media prophets who predicted disaster should the U.S. military confront and seek to oust the murderous regime of Saddam Hussein. The purpose of a cultural war crimes tribunal would be to remind the public of journalism's many mistakes, as well as the errors of certain politicians and retired generals, and allow it to properly judge their words the next time they feel the urge to prophesy...

    All of the printed and voiced prophecies should be saved in an archive. When these false prophets again appear, they can be reminded of the error of their previous ways and at least be offered an opportunity to recant and repent.

    On that last paragraph, at least, Cal and I are in agreement.

    An archive of Cal Thomas's columns can be found here at Townhall. The April 15, 2003 column is here. The charming picture came from Faux News.

    An appropriate political appelation

    I heard a caller on KPOJ refer to the ultra-religious supporters of der Führer as "burning Bushies". This phrase has had very little circulation ( a measly 6 hits in The Google) , but it has been around for at least a year.

    A reference I particularly enjoyed reading was an essay by Gidon Remba, Why Jews Can't Be Conservative, at Chicago Peace Now. His essay concludes:
    Jews can’t be conservative Republicans. Not if they take seriously the best values of their own moral tradition, reflect thoughtfully on the imperatives of justice and on their enlightened self-interest as Jews and Americans.
    The entire essay is interesting but I would argue that this applies not only to Jews, but to any person, educated or not.

    There is also a very funny blog written by Antonia Zerbisias at the Toronto Star. Her blog has a category called burning Bushies; it is well worth a detour, but it is a shame that it is not more current. Ms. Zerbisias is a sharp wit.

    Thursday, April 19, 2007

    ANOTHER New Holiday



    I don't know how I missed this. There are over 10,000 hits for "cake and cunnilingus day". This is getting very competitive with "Steak and blowjob day" (27,000+ hits). Let's just review the calendar:
    February 14 - Valentine's Day
    Roses and chocolates for your loved one.
    March 14 - Steak and Blowjob Day
    Steak and duh for your loved one.
    April 14 - Cake and Cunnilingus Day
    Cake and more duh for your loved one.

    Sure beats the pants off of Ember Days or Rogation Days.

    Alberto's Preparation

    Mike Malloy had a very funny line about Alberto's testimony today. He said the only preparation that Gonzales got was PreparationH.

    (Alberto's image is from SparklePony.)

    Wednesday, April 18, 2007

    The O in GOP Doesn't Stand for Original

    I don't know what to do about the plagiarism business except to talk to my students and make sure that they are sensitive to the issue, and that they really understand the difference between working together and copying. Some get it, and some don't.

    Blue Oregon had a post on this very subject. (Oregon House Republicans: Who's plagiarizing who? by Kari Chisholm)

    I don't know what the consequences will be for the legislators, but I know that they will not enjoy being known as plagiarists.

    A Blue Oregon reader left comments containing links to other similar "op-ed" pieces.

    Here are my excerpts of the second paragraph from each of these "op-ed" contributors:

    State Rep. Bruce Hanna (R-Lane/Douglas) in the Eugene Register-Guard: ("Bill would dedicate existing funds for Oregon State Police patrols")
    Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. I have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate 1 percent of the general fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP's Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth, and does not raise taxes.
    State Rep. Kevin Cameron (R-Salem) and State Rep. Vicki Berger (R-Salem) in the Salem Statesman-Journal: ("Job can be done without new taxes")
    Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. We have co-sponsored House Bill 3535, which will permanently dedicate 1 percent of the general-fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for the Oregon State Police's patrol division. It ensures around-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth and does not raise taxes.
    State Sen. Jeff Kruse (R-Roseburg) and State Reps. Susan Morgan (R- Myrtle Creek), Wayne Krieger (R-Gold Beach), and Bruce Hanna (R-Lane/Douglas) in the Roseburg News-Review ("A plan to provide state police protection without new taxes")
    Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. We have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate one percent of the General Fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP's Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth, and does not raise taxes.
    State Rep. Wayne Scott (R-Canby) in the Canby Herald ("24/7 state police protection . . . without new taxes")
    Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. I have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate 1-percent of the General Fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP's Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth, and does not raise taxes.
    State Rep. Patti Smith (R-Corbett) in the Gresham Outlook ("24/7 state police can become reality")
    Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. I have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate 1 percent of general fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP’s Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth and does not raise taxes.
    State Reps. Vicki Berger (R-Salem) and Kevin Cameron (R-Salem) on Vicki Berger's official web page ("A PLAN TO PROVIDE 24/7 STATE POLICE PROTECTION WITHOUT NEW TAXES")
    Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. We have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 which will permanently dedicate one percent of the General Fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP’s Patrol Division. It ensures around the clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth and does not raise taxes.
    All of these were traced back to one author, Mr. Kevin Curry, who used to be the communications director of then State House Speaker Karen Minnis.

    Donna Nelson, whatever else you think of her, writes her own shinola.

    Tuesday, April 17, 2007

    No shit!

    The Globe always exhibits only the highest standards of journalism.
    Woman: Bowel caused alleged shoplifting

    April 16, 2007

    CAPE CORAL, Fla. --A woman arrested for shoplifting has blamed the crime on irritable bowel syndrome, authorities said. Helen Gallo, 61, of Clearwater, was arrested Sunday after allegedly shoplifting from a Cape Coral grocery store, The Daily Breeze of Cape Coral reported.

    Gallo reportedly told authorities that she could not wait in line because she has irritable bowel syndrome, according to the newspaper.

    Gallo was charged with petit larceny and released Sunday from the Lee County jail on $500 bond.

    Gallo did not answer a telephone call placed to her home by The Associated Press. It was not known if she had an attorney.

    Tuesday, April 10, 2007

    Katrina vanden Heuvel Heads off Competition from Colbert

    My subscription to The Nation had lapsed. It just kicked in again. I feel reborn.

    Sunday, April 08, 2007

    Welcome to Baghdad

    These videos are made by Iraqis. These could be my students. It just makes me weep.

    There is much more here at their site.

    Friday, April 06, 2007

    More cheeky humor from the Brits

    Those Pommie bastards do have a way about them. A conductor friend sent me this.

    Thursday, April 05, 2007

    Backstage at "Flying Dutchman"

    Here I am backstage with Joanna backstage at "Der Fliegende Holländer." The conductor was charming. It was some of the most enjoyable singing I've done - "Steuermann, lass die wacht" is one of the great operatic choruses - but the staging was physically demanding and it did not help that the staging director was less than charming.

    But all in all, I was so moved by the music that the stage director could have made us stand on our heads (and, at times, it seemed to come to that) and I would have given it a go.

    I thought the show was a great artistic success.

    Brain Teasers for Dumb Fucks

    We recently saw Mike Judge's Idiocracy.

    Its premise is simple:

    Smart couples have one or two offspring, and morons have 30.

    Keep this up for 500 years, and the inevitable result is the gene pool will get pretty shallow.

    I don't think this is very good genetics, but the film has more than a few good moments.

    The most popular TV show in the future is "Ow, My Balls." I have never seen a reality TVshow (I prefer unreality), but this seems to be close to the mark.

    Here is a puzzle page for the smart folks in the future.

    Wednesday, March 28, 2007

    Zbiggy hits the zbig time with John Stewart

    Matthew Yglesias posted this clip of Zbigniew Brezinski and John Stewart. It will make you ache for the days of the Carter administration. Just imagine, we have sunk so lo as a country that Brezinski seems a pillar of rationality.

    Friday, March 23, 2007

    The question "What is this shit?" can now be answered with authority

    There are those who, in fact, can't tell shit from shinola.

    Now there are online resources for those seeking to answer the eternal question, "What is this shit?"

    The Bristol Stool Form Scale

    According to the the very nice folks - they don't seem very stuck up, at all - at the International Foundation for Functional Gastrointestinal Disorders (IFFGD):

    Developed at the University of Bristol, U.K., the Bristol stool form scale is a recognized, general measure of stool consistency or form. Using this scale, you can help your physician sort out patterns or changes in bowel habit. Remember, this is intended as a general, not exact, measure. Use this guide to complete your diary and worksheet, and share the information with your physician.

    The Standard Euro-turd
    Dr. John Crippen, writing in his award-winning
    Best Medical Weblog, Best Literary Medical Weblog, Best Health Policies/Ethics Medical Weblog
    diary ("Dr John Crippen's weekly diary. The trials and tribulations, the pleasures and pitfalls of family medicine in the modern British National Health Service"), here recounts his "rite of passage" with an elderly patient.
    I now digress to tell you about the statistical phenomenon of discontinuous variation. The height of the population is an example of continuous variation; there is a gradation of height throughout the population. Discontinuous variation is something that is either "on" or "off". For exampale, some people excrete asparagus in their urine. Some do not. You will know if you do.

    The pastime of inspecting your stools after a bowel action is another example of discontinuous variation. Some people do. Some people do not.

    Patricia does not. And even if she did, she would never talk about it.

    Now, for the first time in her life, in order to win her pads, s
    he not only has to examine her stools, but she has to classify them from 1 – 7 according to the Bristol Stool Form Scale:

    Patricia is horrified.

    Horrified or not, she is a meticulous sort and wants to get it right. She is baffled by the classification and is uncertain whether her stools are Type 2, 3 or 4. So she needs to consult an expert. She thus arrived with her Bristol Stool Form Scale chart and a Pyrex bowl with cling film across the top. Inside was a stool. I was able to tell her that it was unequivocally a Type 3 stool.

    I know these things, because I am a doctor.

    Later, I phoned the Turd-Commissar and told her that Patricia was elderly and upset. All she needed was nursing input and pads. Sorry, that is not on the protocol. Her stools must first be categorised and classified.

    I think it must be Brussels. We have the Euro-sausage and the Euro-banana. Soon we will have the standard Euro-turd.
    All quite hilarious in that typically British fashion.

    If you are still confused, try the revised Bristol Stool Form Table

    Monday, March 19, 2007

    Thursday, March 08, 2007

    Words of Wisdom from the Brits

    Kevin Drum's story of a week ago in Calpundit needs more attention. As he then wrote,
    A fellow named Giles Coren wrote a book review for the Times of London recently that incorporated the phrase "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog," noting that it contained all 26 letters of the alphabet in a 35-letter sentence. An editor changed it to "a lazy dog" but failed to change "35 letters" to "33 letters."
    Mr. Coren, of whom the BBC reports,
    Journalist and author Giles Coren's novel Winkler has won the Bad Sex in Fiction Award for the most awkward description of an intimate encounter.

    The food critic's book describes a sexual act between a man and a woman, in which "she scratched his back deeply with the nails of both hands".

    The rest of the winning passage is unprintable for a family audience.

    penned an email response, which was duly reprinted in The Guardian Online.
    From: Coren, Giles
    Sent: 10 August 2002 16:41
    To: James, Anita

    Cc: Wells, Dominic
    Subject:

    The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. how fucking difficult is that? it's the sentence that bestrides the fucking book i reviewed for you. it is the sentence i wrote first in my fucking review. it is 35 fucking letters long, which is why i wrote that it was. and so some useless cunt sub-editor decides to change it to "jumps over A lazy dog" can you fucking count? can you see that that makes it a 33 letter sentence? so it looks as if i can't count, and the cunting author of the book, poor mr dunn, cannot count. the whole bastard book turns on the sentence being as i fucking wrote it. and that it is exactly 33 letters long. why do you meddle. what do you think you achieve with that kind of dumb-witted smart-arsery? why do you change things you do not understand without consulting. why do you believe you know best when you know fuck all. jack shit.

    that is as bad as editing can be. fuck, i hope you're proud. it will be small relief for the author that nobody reads your poxy magazine.

    never ever ask me to write something for you. and don't pay me. i'd rather take £400 quid for assassinating a crack whore's only child in a revenge killing for a busted drug deal - my integrity would be less compromised.

    jesus fucking wept i don't know what else to say.

    [I have often thought that last sentiment while grading.]

    Kevin Drum added:

    It reminds me of why I like the British press: they print things the way people say them. For example, back in February The Economist ran a story about Stephen Byers, the transport minister. Apparently one of his advisors had suggested burying some bad news by releasing it on the day of Princess Margaret's funeral, his chief information officer had responded with an email advising against it, and within days of the exchange becoming public it was announced that both had "resigned." But they hadn't, or at least the chief information officer hadn't, and he had detailed notes to prove it. Oops. Or, as one participant said, “We're all fucked. I'm fucked. You're fucked. The whole department is fucked. It's been the biggest cock-up ever and we are all completely fucked.”
    After Scooter's verdict, the Democrat's inquiries into Walter Reed, the US attorney firings, and another week of triumph in Iraq, I imagine there are now many parts of the White House repeating this part:
    “We're all fucked. I'm fucked. You're fucked. The whole department is fucked... we are all completely fucked.”
    Stephen Byers was the British transport secretary who was ridiculed through the UK. Here is the lead-in to the BBC story of May 24, 2002.
    It's official. Stephen Byers has become a joke.

    On this week's episode of Radio 4's comedy I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, Graeme Garden announced the following late arrival to the Society Ball for MPs.

    "Welcome please Mr and Mrs Bennett-is-Stephen-Byers-still-there? and their son Gordon."

    For him to become the butt of a joke on the most unpolitical of comedy shows is something of an achievement. But as an opinion poll indicated this week, Stephen Byers is not a popular man.

    His popularity rating has even slumped below Mrs Thatcher's at her lowest ebb.

    In a poll, his popularity was measured as minus 49%, a figure calculated by subtracting the number of people who think he is doing a bad job from those who think he's doing a good job.

    It's no mystery how he has gained such notoriety. Some of his low points include:

    • The Jo Moore thing, when he backed his special advisor after she wrote an e-mail advising 11 September was a good day to bury bad news.

    • Being ridiculed when he claimed to have secured an extra £2.2bn investment in the railways, only for the Treasury to deny it.

    • Facing accusations of lying when he told Parliament his press chief Martin Sixsmith had resigned, when in fact he hadn't.
    Oh. The 9-11 business. THAT Stephen Byers. Is there no home for him in the Bush administration? FEMA, perhaps?

    ADDENDUM:See the Dictionary of English slang and colloquialisms of the UK (Letter c) for British usage of the "c-word".
    cunt (!) * Noun. 1. The female genitals.
    2. Women from a sexual viewpoint. Offensive.
    3. A despicable person. Derog. and coarse, and with its associated meanings is consequently particularly offensive.
    4. A very familiar term of address. E.g."Hello you old cunt, how are you? You're looking well."
    5. A difficult thing or task. E.g."I'm not offering to help him move house, he's got a piano and it'll be a cunt of a job to shift it."
    Exclam. An exclamation of anger, surprise, frustration, disappointment.

    * Undoubtedly the most offensive and taboo of all vulgarisms, and particularly so to women, however its use is becoming more frequent. Consequently it is gradually losing its offensiveness and perhaps will in due course become as accepted as 'fuck' in its use. The word goes back to Middle English, cunte, and before then it can only be speculated upon, however some believe its origins lie with the Latin, cuneus, meaning wedge.
    cunted Adj. Very intoxicated by drink or drugs.
    cunt-face Noun. A contemptible person. Also cuntface.
    cunt-faced Adj. Very intoxicated.
    cunting Adj. An intensifier. E.g."If this cunting weather doesn't improve within the next 24 hours we'll have to cancel the whole trip."
    cuntox Noun. A contemptible person.
    cunt struck Adj. Sexually besotted by a woman. Also cuntstruck.
    cunty Noun. A contemptible person.
    cuntybaws * Noun. 1. An objectionable person. [Scottish use]
    2. Occasionally used as a term of address. [Scottish use]
    * From cuntyballs.

    Exposing the False Science Idol of Evolutionism

    Read The Non-Moving Earth & Anti-Evolution Web Page

    As they say,

    Take your time.

    Check it all out.

    Decide for yourself.
    It is a hoot.

    IGUDESMAN & JOO

    Very funny. Gives one a new appreciation for John Cage's composition, 4'33".

    Friday, March 02, 2007

    another one for the collection

    A rare US plunge!

    The headline doesn't contain the magic word, but look carefully into the lede:

    Thursday, March 01, 2007

    A funny Brit

    Matthew Parris (The Guardian: "political journalist and former Tory MP"), co-author with Phil Mason of Read My Lips: A Treasury of Things Politicians Wish They Hadn't Said, wrote this very funny commentary in today's Times (UK).
    From The Times
    March 01, 2007

    I dare you to read this and refute (not rebut) my case
    Matthew Parris: My Week

    Some television people came round recently to record interviews for a new Grumpy Old . . . series, so I had to work myself up into a passably grumpy state to discuss things like romance, class and politics. Fine — but the trouble was that, after the TV crew had gone, the grumpiness stayed. I started to see everything with a grumpy eye. I turned to the morning papers and — tut, tut — there was that word “refute”, misused yet again by a journalist.

    Harrumph. Look, we must of course take care not to become boring old farts about the misuse of words...
    Mr. Parris is a regular commentator for the Times. His most recent columns include: