The Onymous Guy

Onymous Guy Lives!

2011-06-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

We never left, but we were posting elsewhere.

We are back.

We've Moved!

2008-07-26T03:12:00.000-07:00

Herr Doktor is now in the Middle Kingdom, where access to the blogger.com domain can be sketchy.

I've taken the liberty of relocating things over to a much cooler server. The Onymous Guy 2.0 can be found here.

McCain advisor: "We're fucked."

2008-07-20T16:43:00.000-07:00

The Carpetbagger Report says it all in this lede:

Maliki’s game-changer; GOP says, ‘We’re f**ked’
Posted July 20th, 2008 at 8:30 am

By any reasonable measure, the debate over U.S. policy towards Iraq changed in a fundamental way yesterday. Just as importantly, the presidential campaign has experienced a game-changing moment, from which John McCain may struggle to recover...

Josh Marshall explained, “Maliki has now handed Obama the trump card of all trump cards with which to parry all of McCain’s attacks.”

Or, as a prominent Republican strategist who occasionally provides advice to the McCain campaign told the Atlantic’s Marc Ambinder, “We’re fucked."

Is there any VP candidate who will make Iraq go away? I don't think so.

If you need to vote Republican ...

2008-06-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

Très amusant.

Una perla anzi porci

2008-06-13T13:09:00.000-07:00

This story in the Times prompted these letters. The last caught my eye:

I love the author's words: "No reputable college or university will teach the “strengths and weaknesses” of atomic theory or the theory of gravity."

Again: "No reputable college or university will teach the “strengths and weaknesses” of atomic theory or the theory of gravity."

Again: "No reputable college or university will teach the “strengths and weaknesses” of atomic theory or the theory of gravity."

I am ashamed to say that I am affiliated with an institution at which "the “strengths and weaknesses of scientific theory" was part of the general education science requirement, until the most recent revision of the curriculum.

What made this situation even more unbearable is that the institution regarded itself as relatively enlightened.

Compared to what? The Inquisition?

I wish that there were members of the faculty outside of our science division who were as vocal as

Michael King at the Austin chronicle, who wrote this last December 14:

DECEMBER 14, 2007:
Point Austin: God Knows
Mitt Romney, Christine Comer, and the political uses of religion
BY MICHAEL KING
Today's homily might as well begin with a borrowing from the Rev. Mitt Romney, who recently visited Texas to explain to us the relationship between religious belief and political freedom. "Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom," Romney pronounced. "Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together or perish alone." ...

Pray for Freedom

There is plenty of corollary foolishness. New SBOE Chair Don McLeroy, a Bryan dentist and an amiable boob in the pure-dee Texas tradition, is an avowed creationist who has adopted the new intelligent-design lingo and says all he wants for the schools is to teach the "strengths and weaknesses" of scientific theory – the latest cant, echoed by his creationist brethren on the board. He also insisted last week that TEA employees "can say what they want. They have freedom of speech." McLeroy apparently hasn't communicated that elementary constitutional principle to staffers at the agency, who explicitly cower in fear that anything they say that violates the science/anti-science "neutrality" doctrine will result in their sharing the fate of Christine Comer. They may be timorous, but they're not stupid.

There you have it: the current state of intellectual and political freedom in Texas, where a small group of fundamentalist fanatics drives public education policy, and an utterly cynical governor – who this week endorsed the brazenly unfundamentalist Rudy Giuliani for president because he's "electable" – panders to the worst sort of religious fanaticism (emphasis mine - OG) as a working principle of governance. Yet the Rev. Romney solemnly declares, "Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom."

I'm perfectly aware that religious faith can form the ground of community engagement and social activism. But in this time and in this place, religious sentiment is most often used as an ideological bludgeon to enforce conformity and obedience to authority. So it is that Mitt the Mormon journeys to Texas and pleads, "I'm just like everybody else," and Christine Comer and her colleagues receive a rather different sacred message: "Do as your told, if you know what's good for you."

If this is religion, I'll choose freedom from it, every single time.

See the TEA's justification for terminating Christine Comer, and Comer's resignation letter .
Send your prayers, curses, and news tips to mking@austinchronicle.com.

I will drink a toast to you tonight, Michael King.

Pour les musiciens entre nous

2008-06-13T11:46:00.000-07:00

If you find four musicians, you're sure to find a fifth.

A fine Irish joke it is indeed

2008-06-13T11:33:00.001-07:00

This old but fyne bit of Irish humor comes from a colleague.

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”.

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, "Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

Ah, you're full of shyte!

USB devices we wish we had

2008-06-13T11:30:00.000-07:00

Incroyable!

USB Wine, telechargez vos vins en direct des domaines !
Uploaded by zs2creative

Animator versus Animation

2008-06-13T09:39:00.000-07:00

Very amusing. Click here to animate.

More Tales from Academia

2008-06-11T15:50:00.000-07:00

Part of our occasional series, "Tales from Academia", a vital service for our readers.

InsideHigherEd reports today

June 11
Not Our Best and Brightest?

The missteps in Iraq are well documented by now.

Library shelves could be lined with books that criticize the poorly constructed endgame, the insufficient troop levels and the disbanding of the Iraqi military. There have, however, been glimmers of promise that have gotten a share of ink as well. Among those success stories is the American University of Iraq, a Western-style institution in the war-torn country’s northern region that promises to “lead the transformation of Iraq into a liberal and democratic society.”

The university’s lofty aspirations, as espoused on its Web site, make the selection of its first chancellor all the more puzzling. Owen Cargol, who took the helm at AU-Iraq in 2007 and resigned in late April of this year, had a checkered past that could have been revealed to university organizers with a simple Google search. The sexual harassment scandal that brought down Cargol at Northern Arizona University in 2001 was well publicized, in all of its explicit detail, but apparently never came to the attention of the U.S. officials who trusted Cargol to help reshape the Middle East.

...Cargol’s 2001 resignation stemmed from allegations made by a Northern Arizona employee who alleged that Cargol, while naked in a locker room, grabbed the employee’s genitals, the Arizona Republic reported. In a subsequent e-mail to the employee, Cargol described himself as “a rub-your-belly, grab-your-balls, give-you-a-hug, slap-your-back, pull-your-dick, squeeze-your-hand, cheek-your-face, and pat-your-thigh kind of guy.”

Postscript: Kevin Drum mentions Cargol in his Quote Of The Day in The Washington Monthly

Uh huh. You'll be unsurprised to know that Cargol was considered an ideal choice by the Coalition Provisional Authority to become the first chancellor of the American University of Iraq last year. Via Henry Farrell.

Well, as I have written elsewhere, "shit shit shit shit shit."

Shit shit shit shit shit!

2008-06-11T15:07:00.000-07:00

Is "Shit shit shit shit shit!" a grammatially correct sentence?

Krugman's blog referred today ("Post Post post post post") to

a grammatical but incomprehensible sentence:

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

Thanks to the web, you can easily learn both the explanation and the history.

The wiki entry is amusing. So what about "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck"?

IMNSHO, "Shit shit shit shit shit!" is a grammatially correct sentence, but "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" cannot be. We can discuss this at beer:30!

Here is a good image for "Shit shit shit shit shit!" ( plenty more of these here) .

Sleeping with the enemy?

2008-06-10T21:57:00.000-07:00

The image and the video are from Truth Through Action.org

Kasparov vs. Megalon?

2008-05-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

Russian political press conferences are much more interesting than ours.

Please stop it! I'm gagging.

2008-04-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

CBS aired - "erred" is probably th better verb - an interview with one of the henchmen responsible for our 7+ years of torture, rape of the environment, pillaging of the treasury, and trashing of the constitution.

I have a new name for this particular sphincter muscle: Antonin Smegma.

New Steve Novick Ad

2008-04-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

Steve Novick's ads have been clever and smart. Here is another one.

Cheeses of Nazareth!

2008-03-28T21:52:00.000-07:00

This is very funny up to the 1:35 mark. After that, it is painfully dull. But it is a great lead-in.

Have a good time, and keep your eye on the devil!

This video loads VERY sssslllloooowwwwlllllyyyy, so I recommend that you turn off the sound in You-tube, load the movie in entirety, then replay it with sound. Otherwise you'll be thinking "WTF?" a lot.

Someone didn't check with a native speaker...

2008-03-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

The "LUMINE" chain of shopping complexes are adding new stores to several Tokyo area locations.

Take a look at these additions to the "LUMINE-ESUTO" shopping mall in Shinjuku (one of the special wards that make up the core of Tokyo).

Oops.

important legal news from japan

2008-03-04T00:56:00.000-08:00

"Big breasts win verdict for Japanese pin-up"

The bikini model... was cleared after a court decided she was too well-endowed to squeeze into a room through a hole...

I actually saw this on the news last night while I was at the gym. The cameramen kept panning down to her breasts during the interview.

The Monastery Help Desk

2008-02-26T18:04:00.000-08:00

I love this. It's in Norwegian!

Phillies Pitcher in Japan Trade Prank

2008-02-19T06:46:00.000-08:00

The Phillies have been having fun during spring training. I was especially amused since the Japanese team the kid was supposedly being sent to is the one I'll be seeing next month when they host Boston.

hmmmmm...

2008-02-05T16:04:00.000-08:00

Take a look at this partial tracklisting from a CD of "Nice English Songs".

I don't think they sing track 11 in American schools anymore. To be fair, the Japanese does just say "I like my tiny cat". Still, I think I'll leave this one off the list of songs to be sung next year.

keep it classy, comrades

2008-02-03T07:11:00.000-08:00

(part of) A conversation between several gentlemen over at FuckedGaijin, my favorite Japan-based English-speaking message board.

American A: Are you from Alberta?

Canadian B: Naw, my town name rhymes with vagina...yeah, we really do say it that way in Canada.

Canadian C: I had no idea you were from Mussy Lake, Ontario!

The Republican Myth of the Ownership Society

2008-01-30T10:49:00.001-08:00

From Calculated Risk:
"The homeownership rate has plunged back to the levels of the summer of 2001."

Nice going, George.

365 Days and counting

2008-01-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

Bush's Last Day. The Reign of Error will end in less than a year.

Global Climate De-stabilization

2008-01-18T15:16:00.000-08:00

Here is a terrific video introducing the idea of risk management and the response to global warming. Well worth the whole time (9:58!).

S hits the F in 2009

2008-01-09T21:56:00.000-08:00

I've just been reading a few posts by Stirling Newbury over at The Agonist

The Coming Double Dip Recession
... Unfortunately for the US, it has replaced a personally corrupt evil stupid congress run by Republicans, with merely a corrupt cowardly evil stupid congress.run by Republicans with Bush Dogs as cosigners. It is that they aren't personally corrupt. The catastrophic failure of Democratic leadership will be masked by the good conditions of 2008 for Democrats, but unless dramatically changed, will lead to their losing Congress right back in 2010, especially if there is a Democratic President being hammered for the recession.

This means that instead of Americans taking paper losses on the houses and retirements, they are goint to wake up and find a bi-partisan consensus, meaning Republicans plus Bush Dogs, to shave more off their entitlements. The Republican way to do this may well be double taxation: a national sales tax means that people who paid income taxes earning money, will then have to pay sales taxes spending it. The Democratic way will be nibbling away at benefits and technocratic shell games, as "hedonic adjustments' were used to nibble away at Social Security.

Neither party is stating the obvious, that the various sticky fingers of the financial system, which have deprived Americans of the benefits of lower costs, now add up to over 10% of GDP. Plus the prison-security-military-industrial complex, this comes closer to 20 cents of every dollar boiling away into projects that do not improve the fundamentals of the American economy, but shift money directly from those who work, to those whose job it is to delay the day of reckoning.
Dancing On a Volcano
...the present expansion, even if it were to continue, would not produce the burst of robust wage growth which would allow Americans to put their financial houses in order, nor for the country as a whole to do so. Now is the worst time to be spending money: prices are high, and the time to recoup those prices is short.

The present continued inflation volatility, and increasing general level of prices, is an indicator of the extreme financial mismanagement of the economy by the Republicans, and a sign of how morally bankrupt, and simply economically blind, as well as politically inept, the present Democratic Congress is. The public hates this economy, it would be politically, a great time to simply oppose an out of control executive, and take the path of fiscal rectitude. Instead, the Republicans are starting to reclaim that mantle on the cheap by opposing a few projects here and there, while still dropping the GDP of Iraq into Iraq.

Absent this sweet spot, the public is never going to see a recouping moment of wages, and when the recession hits, it will be deeper and wider than the previous recession. The bad news is that there is another, larger, recession coming after this one, as we continue to scale a new inflationary mountain.

Think of this as the 1975 recession: bad, but only the opening act for the destabilization of a massive dollar glut.

It is fairly depressing reading, but well worth twenty minutes of your time. Go read, then think about the things we need to do to get Democrats to act - and vote - like Democrats.

William Kristol: Still Stupid, Still Wrong

2008-01-09T21:01:00.000-08:00

If William Kristol were alone in a forest, and he said something correct, would anyone hear it? Wonkette says (This Must Be Embarassing)

Though they backpedaled a bit on their website this morning, this stupid Weekly Standard cover is sitting on a shelf right now at a newsstand near you. It will be there for the rest of the week, in fact. This is exactly the kind of political astuteness that earned editor Bill Kristol a spot in the pages of the New York Times. We can’t read the story because it’s behind a subscriber wall, but we imagine it’s full of the same kind of masturbatory wishful thinking the headline suggests. If you do have access to this thing for whatever reason, please send it to us so that we might mock it further.

Here is what the paper of record has to say.

Borger blows a line

2008-01-08T13:33:00.000-08:00

CNN political analyst - so to speak - Gloria Borger, with enough makeup to paint a chorus line, flubs her lines; "hard fought" somehow becomes "hard fart" (aka "shart"). Gawker has it all. No Shit. KEYWORD breaking news.

Why I will never vote for Fuckabee

2008-01-07T16:08:00.000-08:00

This fine effort by Max Blumenthal was reported by Steve Clemons here today in The Washington Note. Even though it is nicely anti-Fuckabee, have a bucket to throw up into.

Even More Eye-Catching Phrases From Bowels of The Academy

2007-12-28T09:58:00.000-08:00

Last year, we reported on the chatter surrounding upcoming MLA convention, especially one surrounding the talk "Is the Rectum a Text?".

Once again, InsideHigherEd- usually stodgy and completely humorless - has the poop:

Hook-ups at the Modern Language Association meeting are legendary — and, many say, frequently belong in the study of fiction. Whether this Craigslist posting is serious or parody, we don’t know (we haven’t heard back, although clearly the person posting wasn’t seeking a journalistic question about his intentions). But the posting, spotted by a source who asked not to be credited for the find, has prompted some hallway jokes at the meeting. If you want to read a pick-up proposal involving tweed, bondage, Alexander Pope and eBay, the link is worth following.

Here is the Craigslist posting:

I am looking for someone with an interest in 18th C British literature, preferably a recent Ph.D. or assistant professor. Here’s how the scenario goes:

I show up at your hotel room. I remove my tweed blazer and tie, fold them neatly, and place them next to your bed. You are already naked.

I carefully secure your wrists and ankles to the bed frame, using quarter-inch nylon rope. I place a copy of Alexander Pope’s “The Rape of the Lock” on the smooth, cool skin of your stomach. I begin to read as I work you with a vibrator.

The soaring rhythm produced by the aural melding of Pope’s heroic couplets with the low thrum of the Hitachi Magic Wand is drowned out as you orgasm loudly and repeatedly.

When you are spent, I very carefully shave off all your pubic hair. I place it in a Ziploc bag.

I wash and moisturize your vagina, untie the rope on your wrists and ankles, and put on my coat and tie.

I leave with your public hair in my pocket. I keep your muff with me for one full week. Each night, I open the bag and smell your hair.

After one full week, I return your public hair to you, by mail. You then put your muff up for sale on E-bay, along with this story.

We split any profits 50/50.
Location: Chicago
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

NSFW: Smell your favorite porn star!

2007-12-22T14:31:00.000-08:00

Gawker reported this juicy morsel (Germany Is Exporting Its Ladies One Drop At a Time).

Yes, it says what you think it says. I'm not sure who was driving the bus here, German ingenuity or German sense of humor. Here is the site (VERY NSFW).

Peace through Ecstasy is Coming!

2007-12-21T12:06:00.001-08:00

The clock is ticking...

What will you be doing at 10:08 PM tonight?
Will you be doing your share?

merry christmas

2007-12-08T07:25:00.000-08:00

I've been here in Japan for so long that sometimes I have to describe things to people back home before I realize how fucked up they are. That's sort of how I first overlooked this:

Now, Santa on the crucifix is good, but for my money I think the Santa-themed no-tell-motel (with by-the-hour rates) and the Christmas-themed parties at the Yokohama whorehouses really take the cake.

Them fast-talking Canadiens

2007-11-25T17:53:00.000-08:00

A friend in Yachats told me this one.

A man in a supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

A very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce.

The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada ?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."

"No shit?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

Tell us something that we don't already know

2007-11-11T21:18:00.000-08:00

unlike Beer:30.

The Helsinki Complaints Choir

2007-11-10T13:08:00.000-08:00

It started in Helsinki.

Now it is worldwide.

Cow Plunge!

2007-11-10T12:46:00.000-08:00

Yes, we admit we have a fascination with things that plunge.

Reuters reports:

Cow plunges off cliff onto moving minivan
Wed Nov 7, 2007 8:17am EST
SPOKANE, Washington (Reuters) - A cow plunged from a 200-foot (61-metre) cliff onto the hood of a minivan on a highway in central Washington state, according to police.

The car's occupants, Charles and Linda Everson, were not hurt in Sunday's accident, but the cow was euthanized at the scene.

"If the cow had fallen a split second later, the animal would have landed right in their laps," said Jeff Middleton, criminal deputy of the Chelan County Sheriff's Department.

Middleton estimated the animal weighed 600 lbs (272 kilograms), or the average size of a mature cow. It had been missing for two days and wandered 5 miles from home near the popular Lake Chelan tourist area.

Ummmm... beer

2007-11-08T16:56:00.000-08:00

morons

2007-10-13T00:02:00.000-07:00

The House Judiciary committee passed the RESTORE Act on Friday, in an effort to partially clean up the mess they made in August with the Protect America Act (what is it with loaded legislation titles). Thankfully, the House version didn't include immunity for law-breaking telecommunication firms that helped the Bush administration spy on us all. Unfortunately, it looks like the Senate version still might. I wrote my senior Senator to let him know how I feel:

Senator,

Shortly after the administration withdrew its nomination of John Rizzo for CIA General Counsel, I wrote to thank you for your efforts in that matter. I also implored you to reject administration efforts to pass into law ex post facto immunity for telecommunications firms that participated in illegal spying efforts.

In the interim, the RESTORE Act has been passed by the House judiciary committee, thankfully without the odious immunity provisions. However, it is my understanding, from reading reports in the New York Times and elsewhere, that Senator Rockefeller's Intelligence Committee may include the provisions in the Senate version of the legislation.

Sir, please do not let this happen. Talk to your colleagues. Let them know that voters oppose protecting firms that broke the law. If the bill makes it to the Senate floor with the immunity provisions intact, vote no. If such a bill seems destined for passage, filibuster.

Your constituents will shed no tears for AT&T. Thank you for your time, Senator.

Sincerely,
Greg Diamond

The Scottish Play

2007-09-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

As if I needed another reason to be jealous of my friends living in the UK, I found out today that there's a new production of Macbeth now playing in the West End. The reviewer from the Telegraph calls the production "the greatest production of Macbeth (he has) ever seen." The leading man is "so charismatic... that he can make the simple act of preparing a ham sandwich one of the scariest things you've ever seen."

Who is this magician of stagecraft? Why, none other than Captain Picard!

More Bacon

2007-09-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

(Image via the Bacon Salt Blog)
In a follow-up to the bacon chocolate bar, a friend has alerted us to a new product on the market: Bacon Salt. The product tagline is, "because everything should taste like bacon."

Not Safe for Work

2007-09-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

Readers of Greg and Sam's Adventures may recall an odd Japanese game show, wherein the contestants had to flawlessly recite several lines of text, or get a spring-loaded paddle to the balls. We've long wondered if Japanese women have ever been subject to the same sort of mistreatment on broadcast television.

Thanks to the good people at Fucked Gaijin, we find that indeed they were, at least back in the 90s. Long-timers have been telling me for awhile that Japanese television was cleaned up considerably in the late 90s and early 00s. I just hadn't believed it until I saw this:

If you're squeamish about clicking that play button, it's basically a contest on a game show where the contestants had to guess which woman wasn't faking her orgasm. There's nothing too risque in the video itself, just don't turn the volume up too loud.

bacon chocolate bar

2007-09-17T17:51:00.000-07:00

Via Atrios, we find that some wise entrepreneur has finally seen fit to combine the two greatest foods on earth, chocolate and bacon.

I feel motivated already

2007-09-14T06:25:00.000-07:00

I had too much free time on my hands and played around with the motivational poster generating tool that was discussed here back in June. The slogan is shamelessly taken from these people. I just thought their product could be improved upon with a new picture.

Democrats find a backbone

2007-09-10T08:41:00.001-07:00

I wish I could whine that this was unfair. Unfortunately, since the Senate seems determined to give Mr. 25% all the money he wants, it seems pretty right on. From Harpers:

Washington Post Editor Apparently on Mind-Bending Drugs

2007-09-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

This was in today's online Post.

I spent several hours laughing at the editors.

It took them nearly four hours - half a work day!- to figure out that not only is "compaure" not a word, neither is "Pollutionion."

I love that construct. What would "Pollutionion" be?

Pollution from The Onion?
Ionized Pollution?
Pollution that doesn't know when to quit?

Fabulous. Here is the "after" page.

Wow.

2007-09-06T05:36:00.000-07:00

From a friend who's a fellow teacher. He looks a little young to be a Dead Kennedys fan...

America's Finest News Source

2007-09-05T06:53:00.001-07:00

The Onion delivers some insightful commentary on the Larry Craig episode. From a guest commentator who, just like Senator "Wide Stance", is most definitely "not gay":

Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

dispatches from japan

2007-08-31T08:08:00.000-07:00

I thought this story deserved a wider audience. I would very much like to know exactly what constitutes a "violent" bout of diarrhea. It doesn't sound pretty.

Train cancelled after conductor succumbs to diarrhea

OSAKA -- About 300 passengers were forced to leave a train at JR Tsukaguchi Station in Amagasaki after the conductor suffered a violent bout of diarrhea in the driver's cabin early on Friday, West Japan Railway Co. (JR West) said.

The evacuation took place after the conductor fell ill just before the train pulled in at Tsukaguchi Station. The driver scheduled to take over the train entered the cabin at about 6.15 a.m. to find the floor covered in feces.

Station workers immediately cleaned the floor of the driver's room, but decided to cancel the train due to the lingering aroma.

Passengers were merely told that the train would be delayed, and were asked to board the next one. (Mainichi)

Captain Dan, the Demon Dwarf, re-membered

2007-08-20T22:51:00.001-07:00

Agence France-Press, currently my favorite wire service, is now reporting this story from the Edinburgh fringe festival:

British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover
AFP
Published: Monday August 20, 2007

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.

"I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived."

The world's strangest laws

2007-08-17T13:02:00.001-07:00

The Times reports these oddities. Important safety tip: no self-pleasuring (that's wanking to you sods) in Indonesia.

From Times Online
August 15, 2007
The world's strangest laws

Did you know it's illegal in France to name a pig Napoleon? Or that in Ohio you're not allowed to get a fish drunk? Alex Wade celebrates the spirit of the silly season with a list of the world's most ridiculous laws.

Did you know that in France it is forbidden to call your pig Napoleon?

(photo: Kham/Reuters)

Did you know that in France it is forbidden to call your pig Napoleon?
Alex Wade

25. It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses.

24. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

23. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down.

22. In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.

21. Under the UK’s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don’t want him to know, though you don’t have to tell him anything you don’t mind him knowing.

20. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.

19. In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk.

18. Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London.

17. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.

16. In Lancashire, no person is permitted after being asked to stop by a constable on the seashore to incite a dog to bark.

15. In Miami, Florida, it is illegal to skateboard in a police station.

14. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.

13. In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day.

12. In London, Freemen are allowed to take a flock of sheep across London Bridge without being charged a toll; they are also allowed to drive geese down Cheapside.

11. In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.

10. In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle.

9. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.

8. In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.

7. In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before sunrise and from staying after sunset.

6. In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

5. In Boulder, Colorado, it is illegal to kill a bird within the city limits and also to “own” a pet – the town’s citizens, legally speaking, are merely “pet minders”.

4. In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

3. In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.

2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination; he may only see their reflection in a mirror.

1. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast is legally the property of the King; the tail, on the other hand, belongs to the Queen - in case she needs the bones for her corset.

With thanks to: Donald Stewart at Faegre & Benson; John Barnett at Burges Salmon; Robert Crossley at Walker Morris; James Odds at Matthew Arnold & Baldwin; and Dan Kieran, author of I Fought The Law (Bantam Press).

US fatalities in Iraq are surging

2007-08-07T13:39:00.000-07:00

I took the most recent casualty data (US deaths in Iraq per month, through end of July '07) and calculated a 12 month moving average. The surge is working - but only to increase US fatalities. These data come from icasualties.org/oif

What if...?

2007-08-03T23:15:00.000-07:00

What if FDR had been like GWB? See here.

Matt Groening: " Fox viewer might confuse our cartoon with actual news"

2007-07-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

Jon Stewart interviews Matt Groening. From the Carpetbagger.

Good Question

2007-07-20T11:07:00.000-07:00

According to David Frost, quoted in the New York fishwrap:

Richard Milhous Nixon, the socially awkward 37th president, tried being jocular with David Frost as they prepared for their famous 1977 TV interviews, which inspired the smash Broadway show. "Mr. Nixon turned to me and quite casually asked, 'Well, did you do any fornicating this weekend?' For a moment I could not believe the evidence of my own ears. Richard Nixon didn't say that, did he? He couldn't have," Frost writes in "Frost/Nixon - Behind the Scenes of the Nixon Interviews," out this October. "I had indeed heard right . . . I suppose Nixon liked to fancy himself one of the boys."

Image from Wikipedia.

FISA Judge Nixes Plame Suit

2007-07-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

The WaPo reports

Judge Dismisses Plame Lawsuit

By Carol Leonnig
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, July 19, 2007; 3:30 PM

A federal judge today dismissed a lawsuit filed by former CIA officer Valerie Plame and her husband against Vice President Cheney and top administration officials over the disclosure of Plame's name and covert status to the media.

U.S. District Judge John D. Bates said that Cheney and White House aides cannot be held liable for the disclosure of information about Plame in the summer of 2003 while they were trying to rebut criticism of the administration's war efforts levied by her husband, former ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV. The judge said such efforts were certainly part of the officials' scope of normal duties.

"The alleged tortious conduct, namely the disclosure of Mrs. Wilson's status as a covert operative, was incidental to the kind of conduct that defendants were employed to perform," Bates wrote in an opinion released this afternoon...

So who is U.S. District Judge John D. Bates?

... Judge Bates was on detail as Deputy Independent Counsel for the Whitewater investigation from 1995 to mid-1997...

... In February 2006, he was appointed by Chief Justice Roberts to serve as a judge of the United States Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court.

Go figure.

Let Us Not Forget David Almond

2007-07-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Mother Jones reports

In the Midst Of Vitter Scandal, Let Us Not Forget David Almond

Republican David Almond, vice chairman of the House Committee on Children, Youth and Families for the North Carolina state legislature, resigned last week after the state's GOP caucus said it was investigating allegations against him of "serious, improper behavior."

According to DownWithTyranny!, Almond exposed his penis to a female staff member, chased her around the room, and commanded her to "suck it, baby, suck it." The employee filed a personnel complaint against Almond. State Republican leaders asked Almond to resign if there was any truth to the allegation, but, they said, "He did it [resigned] himself." I'm not sure what that means, but that is what they said.

One of the pieces of legistlation introduced by Almond was a bill to monitor sex offenders, which was recently signed into law by the governor, and which could come back to bite Almond on the--well, wherever he is most likely to be bitten. In the meantime, he says that intends to defend himself against the charges.

Iraq hasn't even begun

2007-07-19T12:30:00.000-07:00

Timothy Garton Ash, a frequent contributor to The Guardian, writes in the Los Angeles fishwrap:

Iraq hasn't even begun
Consequences from the disaster we could have avoided will plague the world long into the future.
By Timothy Garton Ash
TIMOTHY GARTON ASH, a contributing editor to Opinion, is professor of European studies at Oxford University and a senior fellow at the Hoover Institution at Stanford University.

July 19, 2007

IRAQ IS OVER. Iraq has not yet begun. These are two conclusions from the American debate about Iraq...

So Iraq is over. But Iraq has not yet begun. Not yet begun in terms of the consequences for Iraq itself, the Middle East, the United States' own foreign policy and its reputation in the world. The most probable consequence of rapid U.S. withdrawal from Iraq in its present condition is a further bloodbath, with even larger refugee flows and the effective dismemberment of the country. Already, about 2 million Iraqis have fled across the borders, and more than 2 million are internally displaced...

In history, the most important consequences are often the unintended ones. We do not yet know the longer-term unintended consequences of Iraq. Maybe there is a silver lining hidden somewhere in this cloud. But as far as the human eye can see, the likely consequences of Iraq range from the bad to the catastrophic.

Looking back over a quarter of a century of chronicling current affairs, I cannot recall a more comprehensive and avoidable man-made disaster.

Read the whole thing here.

Virginia unveils $1000 speeding ticket

2007-07-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

Jesus Christ. The Commonwealth is now charging $1025 just for going 20 miles per hour over the speed limit. 20 miles? Is that it?

Hell, compare that to my all-time high award in Oregon. Driving 88 in a 55 (good thing that's all he clocked me at, because I'd been going more like 105 a bit earlier), passing in a no-passing zone, defective brake lights, and driving without proof of insurance. Grand total: $445.

Oh, in case this worried my immediate family, this was years ago, and no, I haven't done anything that stupid since.

The Internet Weekly Rocks!

2007-07-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I missed this.

It does seem that the only way we will rid ourselves of these neocons and their co-religionists is to hunt down each one of these monsters and put a stake a stake through its heart.

Of course, that won't be possible for Darth Cheney

I'll be checking in regularly, or else I might miss something like this.

PA Government Shutdown

2007-07-13T10:09:00.001-07:00

As we reported Monday,

Pa. Awakes to Partial State Shutdown
MARC LEVY and MARK SCOLFORO
The Associated Press

HARRISBURG, Pa. - The state museums didn't open Monday. State parks were closed to visitors at the height of the summer tourism season, and many state services were idle because of a government shutdown that kept about 24,000 workers off the job.

Gov. Ed Rendell shut down the Pennsylvania government late Sunday over a budget stalemate with the Legislature that partly hinges on his energy plan for the state.

The shutdown of Pennsylvania state services by Gov. Rendell reminds me of the old joke:

Q: What is orange and sleeps seven?

A: A PennDOT truck.

Hindu prayer in the Senate draws protesters

2007-07-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

OMG.

CNN reports.

Hindu prayer in the Senate draws protesters

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Three protesters disrupted a prayer by a Hindu chaplain Thursday at the opening of a Senate hearing, calling it an abomination and shouting slogans about Jesus Christ.

It was the first time the daily prayer that opens Senate proceedings was said by a Hindu chaplain.

Capitol police said two women and one man were arrested and charged with causing a disruption in the public gallery of the Senate. The three started shouting when guest Chaplain Rajan Zed, a Hindu from Nevada, began his prayer.

They shouted "No Lord but Jesus Christ" and "There's only one true God," and used the term "abomination."

Religious figures from various faiths have said the prayer, which is normally recited by a Christian chaplain.

Barry Lynn, executive director of religious watchdog group Americans United for Separation of Church and State, said the protest showed the intolerance of the "religious right."

"I don't think the Senate should open with prayers, but if it's going to happen, the invocations ought to reflect the diversity of the American people," Lynn said in a statement.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid had invited Zed.

"I think it speaks well of our country that someone representing the faith of about a billion people comes here and can speak in communication with our heavenly father regarding peace," he said after the disruption.

Watch the video here.

GOP Blows Another One

2007-07-13T09:35:00.002-07:00

AP reports. ABC has the mug shot and the "juicy lead."

McCain Official Busted on Sex Charge

July 12, 2007 11:33 AM
Justin Rood Reports:

An official with the John McCain presidential campaign was arrested for allegedly soliciting oral sex from a policeman in Florida yesterday.

Bob Allen, a member of the Florida House of Representatives, is one of six Florida co-chairs for the Arizona Republican senator's 2008 White House bid.

According to news accounts, local police in Titusville, Fla., arrested Allen Wednesday afternoon after he allegedly offered to exchange $20 for oral sex with the plainclothes officer.

Allen was charged with solicitation to commit prostitution, a misdemeanor.

I guess that is not a regular part of the Straight Talk Express.

Oh, wait.

The McCain web site is reporting:

There are currently no Straight Talk Express Events scheduled...

Does that mean that "blow job" Bob will still be on the job?

Washington Post Editor believes Plural of Sheep is Sheeps

2007-07-11T16:59:00.000-07:00

From today's Washington Post

And this is also from today's Washington Post. Who is sheepish now?

fun in state government

2007-07-10T02:42:00.001-07:00

Our Pennsylvania bureau chief found a silver lining in the partial shutdown of PA state government:

On the up side, PennDOT has pretty much ceased to exist. There are 400 emergency highway workers on call for all of PA's 40,000 miles of highway. That's one worker per 100 miles. It's gonna be smooth sailing.

Oh damn, it looks like the fun is already over.

We have a wiener! First GOP MoC in DC Madame's phonebook!

2007-07-09T22:26:00.000-07:00

And the wiener is...

Senator David Vitter (R - of course - LA)

My Favorite Senator David Vitter quote is, with a big thanks to Your Right Hand Thief ("laughing off hard truths in New Orleans")
I'm proud to join [Matt Daniels] and the entire Alliance for Marriage in support of the Marriage Protection Amendment... Your group recognizes... that marriage is the most important social institution in human history and is the most significant factor in terms of minimizing all sorts of social ills.
The Washington Post reports:

Sen. David Vitter (R-La.) apologized last night after his telephone number appeared in the phone records of the woman dubbed the "D.C. Madam," making him the first member of Congress to become ensnared in the high-profile case.

The statement containing Vitter's apology said his telephone number was included on phone records of Pamela Martin and Associates dating from before he ran for the Senate in 2004...

"This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible," Vitter, 46, said in a statement, which his spokesman, Joel DiGrado, confirmed to the Associated Press.
"Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling," Vitter continued. "Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there -- with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way..."
Vitter is in his first Senate term after serving six years in the House. During his Senate campaign, Vitter was accused by a member of the Louisiana Republican State Central Committee of carrying on a lengthy affair with a prostitute in New Orleans's French Quarter.

Opera has another loss

2007-07-06T16:07:00.001-07:00

Anthony Tommasini, writing in today's Times, reports the death of Régine Crespin, following the death of Beverly Sills earlier this week.

Régine Crespin, the French operatic soprano and later mezzo-soprano, one of the most important vocal artists to emerge from France in the decades after World War II, died Wednesday in Paris, where she lived. She was 80.

I grew up hearing her on the Met broadcasts. I remember her "Tosca", and her Marschallin ( the image at left is Régine Crespin (the Marschallin) and Elisabeth Söderström (Octavian)) with Solti at the helm. The last side of the set of records was pure magic.

Tommasini concludes her obit with this:

In later life Ms. Crespin won wide recognition as a voice teacher. During some 1995 master classes at the Mannes College of Music in New York, the students were enraptured not only by her insightful critiques, but by her insider tales about opera stars.
Recalling her performances at the Met with the powerhouse tenor Franco Corelli in “Tosca” and Massenet’s “Werther,” she said he was convinced that eating raw garlic before a performance was good for the voice. But when they sang duets, Corelli would regularly burp. She learned to adjust, Ms. Crespin said.

Rachel Ray Moaning and Groaning

2007-07-05T16:07:00.000-07:00

Salon's Video Dog explains:

Naomi Leibowitz explains on her Web site that this video is "comprised of clips from over 30 episodes of Rachel Ray's show '$40 a day' on Food Network." Caution: Keep the volume down, if you don't want your neighbor to get the wrong idea.

Go see the video here.

Why I hate NPR: Reason #25

2007-07-05T14:30:00.001-07:00

Reason #25:, Besides having incredibly bad pronunciation, oafish inarticulation, and tons of dead air time in her speech, Debbie Elliot is a moron.

It is pretty clear that NPR hosts don't have to know pronunciation. Foreign words such as "Kiribati" or "Pago Pago" are sure to throw them for a loop. Apparently NPR hosts don't have to know grammar, either.

I heard Debbie Elliot interviewing Peter Overby - wow, there are a couple a dim bulbs - (Obama Leads in Election Fundraising). At the 1:08 mark, Elliot clearly chokes on the use of the comparative "than".

Elliot: ... Now you're saying he's [Obama] raised a few million more than her [sic, referring to Ms. Clinton].

That is what a cum laude graduate of the University of Alabama College of Communication* has to offer. It is no surprise that the complications of history completely overwhelm her. And Elliot isn't nearly as horrible as the Morning Edition crew.

* A communcations degree always reminds me of The Simpsons' episode with this immmortal line:

"Dr. Hibbert: I'm afraid your playing days are over my friend, but don't worry, you can fall back on your degree in--Communications? Oh dear Lord!

Come together! (NSFW)

2007-07-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

The EU has a YouTube video that has even The Guardian tittering.

World Naked Gardening Day

2007-07-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

I missed it again! Shucks, I'll have to wait for next year's World Naked Gardening Day. Now, I'll have to wait until next May 8.

Why we love Keith Olbermann

2007-07-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

From what I suppose was the Monday evening (already Wednesday morning here in J-land) broadcast, naming W. the Worst Person in the World (and quoting Cromwell):

"You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, GO!"

Motivate yourself!

2007-06-29T13:25:00.000-07:00

A colleague sent me this link. I have already pissed away time playing with it. Here is one result.

Fishwrap lead of the day

2007-06-28T15:17:00.000-07:00

The Globe is so classy.

Naked couple die from S.C. rooftop fall
June 20, 2007

COLUMBIA, S.C. --Police on Wednesday were investigating how a naked couple fell 50 feet from the roof of a downtown office building to their deaths.

The bodies were found on the road by a passing cabdriver around 5 a.m. Wednesday.

Clothing was discovered on the roof, leading authorities to suspect the man and woman, in their early 20s, may have been having sex. Their identities were not released.

"It's too early to rule out anything," Columbia police Sgt. Florence McCants said, but McCants said a preliminary investigation didn't show any sign of foul play.

The GOP cares about families

2007-06-19T17:12:00.001-07:00

The WaPo reports on Rob Portman's resignation as White House budget director.

Heh. Heh.

In an interview on CNN after Bush's announcement, Portman denied that he was leaving now to distance himself from an unpopular White House in preparation to run for governor of Ohio, where more than 60 percent of residents disapprove of Bush's job performance, according to a recent poll. Portman called that interpretation "false," adding, "The reason I'm going home is to spend time with my family.

Right.

Jon Stewart to Tony Snow: Liar, liar, pants on fire

2007-06-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

No Contest: The Daily Show vs. Tony Snow.

Lurita Doan can't conjugate verbs

2007-06-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

I love good grammar.

But The Economist has it right. The subjunctive is a mood, not a tense.

Can't recall - help for Republicans!

2007-06-13T13:35:00.001-07:00

Here is a drug that we could use more of.

Interior Secretary Leavitt confuses dead senator and Dead Kennedys

2007-06-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

The Sleuth reports in today's DC Fishwrap that Secretary of the Interior Mike Leavitt tried to make an appointment Thursday with Senator Craig Thomas (R-WY), who passed away Monday.

Posted at 7:01 PM ET, 06/ 7/2007
Cabinet Member Misses Senator's Obit

Maybe Health and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt and his staff are just in denial. Or maybe they don't read the papers, thus missing the sad news that Sen. Craig Thomas (R-Wyo.) died Monday, seven months after he was diagnosed with leukemia.

Whatever the case, Leavitt's office called Thomas's office late Thursday afternoon to request a meeting with the late senator.

Needless to say, grief-stricken Thomas staffers were stunned. One aide to Thomas sent the following e-mail to a friend (both names have been redacted):

From: (Thomas staffer) <@thomas.senate.gov>
To: (Staffer's friend)
Sent: Thu Jun 07 16:49:36 2007
Subject: RE:

Oh yeah, note to Secretary Levitt's [sic] office: Senator Thomas passed on Monday, 4 June. You may want to pass that along to his staff especially after they called today to get a meeting with the late Senator.

Call me if you'd like, really unbelievable!

It just seems so characteristic of this administration that a cabinet member could turn what is legitimately a tragedy for the family and friends of the senator into a black comedy.

Is it possible for a male to not think about it?

2007-06-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

This reminds me of an interview that I heard with Francis Crick shortly before his death in 2004. His interviewer asked him what the secret of his remarkable research productivity was. Crick replied that, wehn he was in graduate school, he thought about sex 90% of the time, but he found that his peers thought about sex 99% of the time, so he got ten times as much work done!

What Guys Really Think - The funniest videos clips are here

Wear the fox hat

2007-06-01T12:52:00.000-07:00

Auchtermuchtie?

White and Nerdy

2007-05-24T10:09:00.000-07:00

A colleague sent me this very funny video. The Schrödinger equation appears in the last minute or so. If you look carefully, you can see that they equation is incorrect - it uses Planck's constant h instead of h bar; that is h / 2 pi.

That reminds me of a story my thesis advisor - a Cal Tech alum - told me about his physics prof, the extraordinary Nobel laureate Richard Feynman, whom I had the pleasure to meet and hear speak several times.

Everyone knows what it is like to have a nitpicker in class.

"Shouldn't that be log base 10?"
"Is there an apostrophe in D'Alembertian?"
"I think that should be a minus sign."

Well, Feynmann's intro physics class DID have a nitpicker, one who was prolific and vociferous. His corrections - delivered with the precision of a surgeon's scalpel and the tact of an IRS agent - clearly took their toll on the patience of both the instructor and the students, turning the class into a daily Inquisition.

And inevitably, one day late in the term, the bough broke. After spending some time discussing a calculated cross-section, Monsieur Ergoteur interrupted with "Didn't you miss a factor of 2 pi?", at which point Poor Richard lept onto his desk and yelled "Fuck the 2 pi!"

More Falwell

2007-05-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

In honor of the guy who died in Lynchburg yesterday, I thought it would be fun to revisit Hustler Magazine v. Falwell, 485 U.S. 46 (1988). Specifically, what prompted the Jerry Falwell's lawsuit in the first place? This ad, from a 1983 issue of Hustler:

If you can't make out the text, it reads:

Falwell: My first time was in an outhouse outside Lynchburg, Virginia.

Interviewer: Wasn’t it a little cramped?

Falwell: Not after I kicked the goat out.

Interviewer: I see. You must tell me all about it.

Falwell: I never really expected to make it with Mom, but then after she showed all the other guys in town such a good time, I figured, "What the hell!"

Interviewer: But your Mom? Isn’t that a little odd?

Falwell: I don’t think so. Looks don’t mean that much to me in a woman.

Interviewer: Go on please go on before i have u!.

Falwell: Well, we were drunk off our God-fearing asses on Campari, ginger ale and soda—that’s called a Fire and Brimstone—at the time. And Mom looked better than a Baptist whore with a $100 donation

Interviewer: Campari in the crapper with Mom. how interesting.. .Well how was it?

Falwell: The Campari was great but mom passed out before I could come.

Interviewer: Did you ever try it again?

Falwell: Sure. Lots of times. But not in the outhouse. Between Mom and the shit, the flies were too much to bear.

Interviewer: We meant the Campari.

Falwell: Oh, yeah, I always get sloshed before I go to the pulpit. You don’t think I could lay down all that bullshit sober do you?

(the last line in very small print at the end - Greg)

Interviewer: Just to let you know this whole interview is a lie, I just wanted to see what I could get out of you!

Wikipedia has an informative article on the entire case, including the arguements made before the Supreme Court in 1987.

Falwell

2007-05-15T19:46:00.000-07:00

There have been a range of reactions to the demise of the vicious vicar from Lynchburg, VA. I personally would have paid a great deal of money to see Larry Flynt's face when he heard the news.

Needless to say, some reactions have been more amusing than others. Wonkette has this, from the "Dept. of Kids These Days Show No Respect."

My own research turned up a number of humorous Wikipedia vandalisms.

First, the man who blanked the page and replaced it with the words FUCK JESUS.

In our next entry, those who scroll down to the "Health" section will note that in addition to being found unconscious in his office on the 15th, many people thought Falwell had been "unconscious for many years".

The jokers in this next one erroneously reported the cause of death to be a "severe bowel obstruction."

Our fourth entry argues that "HE WAS A BIG TOOL, OH YES HE WAS DON'T DENY IT."

Rounding out the top five is a slightly more subtle vandal. Line 15 of this entry refers to Falwell as a "televangalism freak." Line 36 contains the latter portion of this sentence:

Thomas Road Baptist Church has grown to a membership in excess of 24,000, based in a 6,000 seat auditorium and an additional 1 million square feet of educational space for people with way too much time on thier hands (emphasis added).

There are more, but I don't really have the time.

On a final note, just to prove that Jerry Falwell really was an asshole who deserved every bit of this ill will, here's AmericaBlog with some statements Falwell made just last week. Asshole.

"Bubbles 'n' Babes"

2007-05-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

As readers may be aware, Australia is currently suffering a severe drought. Residential water use has been limited to a drastic extent, and even agricultural irrigation may be cut off if things don't improve. With private citizens unable to wash their cars at home, car washes - nearly all of which use recycled water - are doing booming business.

Especially this car wash in Brisbane. Funny thing is, Sam and I know a girl from Brisbane, and for some reason she's never mentioned this establishment.

Mr. Butts Goes To Salem

2007-05-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

Our Oregon hsa produced this hilarious video of Mr. Butts' visit to thestate legislature, lobbying against funding the Healthy Kids legislation through a cigarette tax hike .

Students Heckle Gonzo at Harvard Law

2007-04-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

Associated Pravda (as John Aravosis at AmericaBlog calls the Associated Press) reports in the Huffington Post (image from Hispanic Magazine).

Gonzales Heckled at Harvard Reunion
AP | April 28, 2007 11:27 PM EST

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A small group of student protesters, including one wearing a black hood and an orange jumpsuit, heckled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales as he posed with old classmates Saturday during their 25-year Harvard Law School reunion.

"When the photographer was getting everybody set up and having people say 'cheese,' the protesters yelled: 'say torture, instead,' 'resign' and 'I don't recall,'" said Nate Ela, a protester and third-year student.

Law school spokesman Mike Armini said the impromptu protest was so small that some of those attending the photo shoot did not notice it.

Ela said the protesters followed Gonzales into the law school's library, chanting "shame" and "resign," before the attorney general's security detail took him to his motorcade.

Gonzales was at the university to deliver a lunchtime speech, a visit that was unannounced to students. But word spread quickly after his motorcade and security detail were spotted.

Gonzales is resisting pressure to resign as lawmakers question whether he could effectively run the Justice Department amid the controversy over the firings of eight prosecutors.

Cal Thomas, Prescient Sage of the Ages

2007-04-26T09:17:00.000-07:00

Tom Tomorrow nails Cal Thomas in the Huffington Post:

There's one other quote that I just didn't have room for, which I'd like to include here. In his column of April 15, 2003, Cal Thomas wrote:

When the Berlin Wall fell and Eastern Europe escaped from the shackles of communism, I wrote that we must not forget the enablers, apologists and other "fellow travelers" who helped sustain communism's grip on a sizable portion of humanity for much of the 20th century. I suggested that a "cultural war crimes tribunal" be convened, at which people from academia, the media, government and the clergy who were wrong in their assessment of communism would be forced to confront their mistakes. While not wishing to deprive anyone of his or her right to be wrong, it wouldn't hurt for these people to be held accountable.
That advice was not taken - but today we are presented with another opportunity in the form of scores of false media prophets who predicted disaster should the U.S. military confront and seek to oust the murderous regime of Saddam Hussein. The purpose of a cultural war crimes tribunal would be to remind the public of journalism's many mistakes, as well as the errors of certain politicians and retired generals, and allow it to properly judge their words the next time they feel the urge to prophesy...

All of the printed and voiced prophecies should be saved in an archive. When these false prophets again appear, they can be reminded of the error of their previous ways and at least be offered an opportunity to recant and repent.

On that last paragraph, at least, Cal and I are in agreement.

An archive of Cal Thomas's columns can be found here at Townhall. The April 15, 2003 column is here. The charming picture came from Faux News.

An appropriate political appelation

2007-04-26T07:32:00.000-07:00

I heard a caller on KPOJ refer to the ultra-religious supporters of der Führer as "burning Bushies". This phrase has had very little circulation ( a measly 6 hits in The Google) , but it has been around for at least a year.

A reference I particularly enjoyed reading was an essay by Gidon Remba, Why Jews Can't Be Conservative, at Chicago Peace Now. His essay concludes:

Jews can’t be conservative Republicans. Not if they take seriously the best values of their own moral tradition, reflect thoughtfully on the imperatives of justice and on their enlightened self-interest as Jews and Americans.

The entire essay is interesting but I would argue that this applies not only to Jews, but to any person, educated or not.

There is also a very funny blog written by Antonia Zerbisias at the Toronto Star. Her blog has a category called burning Bushies; it is well worth a detour, but it is a shame that it is not more current. Ms. Zerbisias is a sharp wit.

ANOTHER New Holiday

2007-04-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I missed this. There are over 10,000 hits for "cake and cunnilingus day". This is getting very competitive with "Steak and blowjob day" (27,000+ hits). Let's just review the calendar:
February 14 - Valentine's Day
Roses and chocolates for your loved one.
March 14 - Steak and Blowjob Day
Steak and duh for your loved one.
April 14 - Cake and Cunnilingus Day
Cake and more duh for your loved one.

Sure beats the pants off of Ember Days or Rogation Days.

Alberto's Preparation

2007-04-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

Mike Malloy had a very funny line about Alberto's testimony today. He said the only preparation that Gonzales got was PreparationH.

(Alberto's image is from SparklePony.)

The O in GOP Doesn't Stand for Original

2007-04-18T14:48:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to do about the plagiarism business except to talk to my students and make sure that they are sensitive to the issue, and that they really understand the difference between working together and copying. Some get it, and some don't.

Blue Oregon had a post on this very subject. (Oregon House Republicans: Who's plagiarizing who? by Kari Chisholm)

I don't know what the consequences will be for the legislators, but I know that they will not enjoy being known as plagiarists.

A Blue Oregon reader left comments containing links to other similar "op-ed" pieces.

Here are my excerpts of the second paragraph from each of these "op-ed" contributors:

State Rep. Bruce Hanna (R-Lane/Douglas) in the Eugene Register-Guard: ("Bill would dedicate existing funds for Oregon State Police patrols")
Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. I have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate 1 percent of the general fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP's Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth, and does not raise taxes.
State Rep. Kevin Cameron (R-Salem) and State Rep. Vicki Berger (R-Salem) in the Salem Statesman-Journal: ("Job can be done without new taxes")
Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. We have co-sponsored House Bill 3535, which will permanently dedicate 1 percent of the general-fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for the Oregon State Police's patrol division. It ensures around-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth and does not raise taxes.
State Sen. Jeff Kruse (R-Roseburg) and State Reps. Susan Morgan (R- Myrtle Creek), Wayne Krieger (R-Gold Beach), and Bruce Hanna (R-Lane/Douglas) in the Roseburg News-Review ("A plan to provide state police protection without new taxes")

Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. We have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate one percent of the General Fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP's Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth, and does not raise taxes.

State Rep. Wayne Scott (R-Canby) in the Canby Herald ("24/7 state police protection . . . without new taxes")
Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. I have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate 1-percent of the General Fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP's Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth, and does not raise taxes.
State Rep. Patti Smith (R-Corbett) in the Gresham Outlook ("24/7 state police can become reality")
Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. I have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 to permanently dedicate 1 percent of general fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP’s Patrol Division. It ensures round-the-clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth and does not raise taxes.
State Reps. Vicki Berger (R-Salem) and Kevin Cameron (R-Salem) on Vicki Berger's official web page ("A PLAN TO PROVIDE 24/7 STATE POLICE PROTECTION WITHOUT NEW TAXES")
Fortunately, there is a bill to provide dedicated funding for the Oregon State Police. We have co-sponsored House Bill 3535 which will permanently dedicate one percent of the General Fund revenue dollars ($127 million) to a special fund for OSP’s Patrol Division. It ensures around the clock coverage by putting 140 troopers back on the road to cover major highways, allows for future growth and does not raise taxes.
All of these were traced back to one author, Mr. Kevin Curry, who used to be the communications director of then State House Speaker Karen Minnis.

Donna Nelson, whatever else you think of her, writes her own shinola.

No shit!

2007-04-17T11:55:00.000-07:00

The Globe always exhibits only the highest standards of journalism.

Woman: Bowel caused alleged shoplifting

April 16, 2007

CAPE CORAL, Fla. --A woman arrested for shoplifting has blamed the crime on irritable bowel syndrome, authorities said. Helen Gallo, 61, of Clearwater, was arrested Sunday after allegedly shoplifting from a Cape Coral grocery store, The Daily Breeze of Cape Coral reported.

Gallo reportedly told authorities that she could not wait in line because she has irritable bowel syndrome, according to the newspaper.

Gallo was charged with petit larceny and released Sunday from the Lee County jail on $500 bond.

Gallo did not answer a telephone call placed to her home by The Associated Press. It was not known if she had an attorney.

Katrina vanden Heuvel Heads off Competition from Colbert

2007-04-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

My subscription to The Nation had lapsed. It just kicked in again. I feel reborn.

Welcome to Baghdad

2007-04-08T10:27:00.000-07:00

These videos are made by Iraqis. These could be my students. It just makes me weep.

There is much more here at their site.

More cheeky humor from the Brits

2007-04-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

Those Pommie bastards do have a way about them. A conductor friend sent me this.

Backstage at "Flying Dutchman"

2007-04-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

Here I am backstage with Joanna backstage at "Der Fliegende Holländer." The conductor was charming. It was some of the most enjoyable singing I've done - "Steuermann, lass die wacht" is one of the great operatic choruses - but the staging was physically demanding and it did not help that the staging director was less than charming.

But all in all, I was so moved by the music that the stage director could have made us stand on our heads (and, at times, it seemed to come to that) and I would have given it a go.

I thought the show was a great artistic success.

Brain Teasers for Dumb Fucks

2007-04-05T14:06:00.000-07:00

We recently saw Mike Judge's Idiocracy.

Its premise is simple:

Smart couples have one or two offspring, and morons have 30.

Keep this up for 500 years, and the inevitable result is the gene pool will get pretty shallow.

I don't think this is very good genetics, but the film has more than a few good moments.

The most popular TV show in the future is "Ow, My Balls." I have never seen a reality TVshow (I prefer unreality), but this seems to be close to the mark.

Here is a puzzle page for the smart folks in the future.

Zbiggy hits the zbig time with John Stewart

2007-03-28T14:09:00.001-07:00

Matthew Yglesias posted this clip of Zbigniew Brezinski and John Stewart. It will make you ache for the days of the Carter administration. Just imagine, we have sunk so lo as a country that Brezinski seems a pillar of rationality.

The question "What is this shit?" can now be answered with authority

2007-03-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

There are those who, in fact, can't tell shit from shinola.

Now there are online resources for those seeking to answer the eternal question, "What is this shit?"

The Bristol Stool Form Scale

According to the the very nice folks - they don't seem very stuck up, at all - at the International Foundation for Functional Gastrointestinal Disorders (IFFGD):

Developed at the University of Bristol, U.K., the Bristol stool form scale is a recognized, general measure of stool consistency or form. Using this scale, you can help your physician sort out patterns or changes in bowel habit. Remember, this is intended as a general, not exact, measure. Use this guide to complete your diary and worksheet, and share the information with your physician.

The Standard Euro-turd

Dr. John Crippen, writing in his award-winning

Best Medical Weblog, Best Literary Medical Weblog, Best Health Policies/Ethics Medical Weblog

diary ("Dr John Crippen's weekly diary. The trials and tribulations, the pleasures and pitfalls of family medicine in the modern British National Health Service"), here recounts his "rite of passage" with an elderly patient.

I now digress to tell you about the statistical phenomenon of discontinuous variation. The height of the population is an example of continuous variation; there is a gradation of height throughout the population. Discontinuous variation is something that is either "on" or "off". For exampale, some people excrete asparagus in their urine. Some do not. You will know if you do.

The pastime of inspecting your stools after a bowel action is another example of discontinuous variation. Some people do. Some people do not.

Patricia does not. And even if she did, she would never talk about it.

Now, for the first time in her life, in order to win her pads, she not only has to examine her stools, but she has to classify them from 1 – 7 according to the Bristol Stool Form Scale:

Patricia is horrified.

Horrified or not, she is a meticulous sort and wants to get it right. She is baffled by the classification and is uncertain whether her stools are Type 2, 3 or 4. So she needs to consult an expert. She thus arrived with her Bristol Stool Form Scale chart and a Pyrex bowl with cling film across the top. Inside was a stool. I was able to tell her that it was unequivocally a Type 3 stool.

I know these things, because I am a doctor.

Later, I phoned the Turd-Commissar and told her that Patricia was elderly and upset. All she needed was nursing input and pads. Sorry, that is not on the protocol. Her stools must first be categorised and classified.

I think it must be Brussels. We have the Euro-sausage and the Euro-banana. Soon we will have the standard Euro-turd.

All quite hilarious in that typically British fashion.

If you are still confused, try the revised Bristol Stool Form Table